Tryst with Nirvana

When did my day (16th February 2010) start or for that matter when did the previous day end? I don’t think I can differentiate between the two for I was living every moment of the happenings of the previous day over and over in my mind and was also excited about the happenings that would unfold during the day in question. Being a sound sleeper, the rocking movements of the train would normally have acted like the swinging of a cradle, however this time around it failed to induce in me the slumber I really enjoy. My brain like the rest of my body just refused to rest as it was tuned to experience and enjoy every moment of the 60 hours which began on February 15th and would end on February 17th 2010.
The morning of the 15th of February was indeed memorable, right from when I went to the temple before Rahu Kaalam and purchased my “MALA”, which I had sighted earlier to getting the same blessed at the feet of the Lord. Later, when I donned the MALA in my Pooja Room, it was indeed a feeling of being blessed. Although it was only a ‘thulasi mala” that went around my neck, the feel was one of having worn a sacred shield and the thought was that of being totally protected and in HIS care. The “KETTUNIRA” was indeed a wonderful experience and when I chanted the “SHARANAMS” I felt totally immersed in my piety. The trip to the station and the travel to our destination which was Kottayam was the routine part of the pilgrimage and there was no way in which it could have been shortened. However for me it was the last few hours in which I could mentally prepare myself for the imminent climb and Darshan.
We reached Kottayam on time and after the morning ablutions and bath at the station itself we embarked on our journey. The first stop was at Erumeli, where we worshipped at the shrine of Lord Ayyappa and being first time pilgrims should have performed the customary PETTAH THULLAL. (A kind of dance, the purpose of which I think is to lighten the otherwise solemn mood). The visit to the mosque of VAVAR was symbolic and then we proceeded to PAMPA, the base of the one and only Sabarimala. Although we passed through some very picturesque country, my mind did not take in the beauty for we were all immersed in singing the bhajans of the Lord. After wetting our feet and washing our face in the holy waters of the River Pampa, we proceeded to have a darshan of Lord Vinayaka the deity at Pampa. Seeking his blessings and breaking a coconut to ward of all impediments, the journey began.
It is hard for me to describe the ascent; however I will try my best to do so. I cannot call it easy for it is far from being easy for a fit youngster and thus for someone of my disposition and age it can be really grueling. However I will not be exaggerating when I say that I found the climb to be well within my ability. I did pant and sweat but was never in a state where I thought it impossible. The chanting of SHARANAMS enroute may have taken the intensity off to a small extent. When I reached “Sharamkuthi Allu” and was told that the climb was over and that we had reached the plateau, I could not believe my ears. Here I was prepared for much more to come and suddenly having achieved what I was so apprehensive about made me feel a tinge disappointed. The rest of the 3 kilometres was literally a cake walk and in no time we were in the precinct of the temple.
I may have seen various shots and clippings of the temple and its vicinity on television, for during the Mandalam – Makkaram season all the Malayalam channels beam these shots on a daily basis. However nothing prepared me for the actual sighting. The 18 sacred steps seemed to be almost like what I had imagined except that they were a bit narrower and steeper. The rest of the temple was at another level and to view the same I had to wait for the evening. Exactly at 5pm when the temple opened for the evening, I proceeded to the temple wearing my black sari and with the “Irumudi Kettu” on my head. For without the Kettu, one does not get to climb the 18 steps. Having climbed the steps, I entered the actual temple; however it took me another half an hour to get the Darshan of the Lord. The wait in the queue seemed never ending for having reached such close proximity; every minute seemed like an hour. After praying to the Lord for over 45 years the moment I had been waiting for was finally to arrive. I was well aware that my first Darshan would only be a fleeting one as the crowd had burgeoned and the push from the back would definitely make me move forward. With both hands trying to balance the Irumudi, it was a little difficult to maneouvre for some time and space. Finally when I got my turn to stand in front of the sanctum sanctorum, I was so focused that the only image that registered in my mind was the deity of the LORD. The deity was exactly as what I had imagined. HE was seated wearing his resplendent gold shield and the lamps were lit in such a manner as to bring out the golden glow. I don’t know if my eyes were playing some kind of trick for it did seem as if there was a pronounced halo. With that image set clearly in my mind’s eye, my first tryst ended.
My prayers were answered for immediately I got a chance to go to a closer spot at the Sanctum Sanctorum and could pray as well as notice all the nuances of the deity and the surroundings. The next couple of hours were spent in the temple and we made sure to go and pray to the other deities in the complex. We were lucky to witness a Padi Pooja (Pooja for the 18 steps) and remained in the temple complex till “Harivarasanam” was sung. This is the lullaby for the Lord and the version rendered at the temple is sung by Padma Bhushan K.J. Jesudas. Every moment of the 6 hours we spent in the temple complex was to me a new experience and I enjoyed it thoroughly. There seemed to be an air of equality and the atmosphere was far more liberal than what prevails in other temples of Kerala. When I turned in for the night, I was indeed sad that the day I had waited for all these years had come to an end.
The next morning we were back at the temple by 6am and after witnessing the “Nei Abhishekam” returned to the room and got ready for the trip down hill. The walk down hill was indeed hard what with my poor legs having to bear the weight of my body. By the time we reached PAMPA it seemed as if my legs had a mind of their own for they just refused to align with the rest of the body. The ride back to Kottayam was pensive for I was living through my just concluded experiences and was trying to assimilate the essence of the same.
The abode of the Lord is less than 3000 metres above sea level; however the sense of positivity and spiritual upliftment that envelops one during the pilgrimage is far beyond that. I would definitely term the impact as being magnetic for here I am like the crores of fellow devotees ready to go on my next trip. On summation, I would call this experience as a first time tryst with Nirvana.