The Hardy Women

Dr. Vipin Gopal may have had his reasons for giving Kerala the tagline “God’s Own Country”. Whatever his reason this tagline has been accepted the world over and has made this tiny state a Superbrand in Tourism. I agree with his tagline but my reason for doing so is something totally different from his. I assume the scenic beauty of Kerala must be the reason behind his christening the state thus. This scenic beauty is something I took for granted having spent the first 20 summers of life there. Now when people look at monuments and places which were to us just the neighbourhood in a different light, it sure makes me happy and proud that I am a daughter of this precious land. The word DAUGHTER is very special, because it is a privilege to be born a Nair girl in this corner of India. Now I come to my reason for calling Kerala God’s Own Country and that is the fact that God took special care of his daughters here by introducing the Matriarchal System (or Marumakka Thaayam in local lingo). Where else in India do people rejoice when a girl is born? The quest elsewhere is always for the male child. Here the family name is passed on to the off springs of the daughters who in turn inherit it from their mothers.

Having been raised outside Kerala, it used to be very difficult for me to explain the initial V which stood for Variyath the name of my mother’s tharavad (family/ancestral home) to my friends in school and college. They would automatically assume V stood for my father’s name which according to them could either be Venugopal or Vasudevan. Had I been born a century ago, I would, like my ancestors have lived my whole life in the tharavad itself, as marriage would not have taken me or for that matter my mother away from it. Instead the husband would have come and spent time in the wife’s tharavad. Much has changed from the olden days and the nuclear family has found its place among the Nairs too. However I must say that the psyche of most of the ladies remains the same. The freedom they enjoyed for so many centuries and the dominance and money power that came along with it is not very easy to erase from the mind of even the present day generations. The feeling of sisterhood among all the ladies of the tharavad was something very hard to fathom and there is no word I can use to describe this camaraderie. Although the tharavads have disintegrated, the bonding between the female members continues to be very strong.

The Variyath Tharavad of which I am a proud member is situated in Calicut, Kerala. The back bone of our side/part or line of the family are the families of my great grandmother and her six sisters. These seven ladies constituted a unit and all their children, grand children and great grand children are my great aunts, aunts, cousins and nieces and nephews. I remember my trips to Kerala when my great grand mother was alive. During the day most of her sisters and nieces would come to see her as she was the oldest lady of the tharavad. (By then the nuclear family concept had set in.) She was immensely respected and consulted on all important matters. Once she and her sisters passed away, the mantle fell on my grand mother who was a great lady. She lived to be 94 and led a very fruitful life. She was a teacher in one of the leading schools in Calicut of yore and hence well known in the society. She became financially independent at the age of twenty, something we cannot even dream off attaining at this day and age!! I have never seen my grandmother sad or depressed and she was always a source of strength. Her knowledge on all worldly matters far surpassed people even half her age. Her death in 2000 was a great loss to all of us.

Now the senior most lady of our tharavad is my mother’s cousin who is 90 and going strong. Her mental strength is amazing and she is a source of inspiration to anyone who has an opportunity to meet her. She is not tethered by petty talk typical of women her age and even now she looks forward and plans for forthcoming events. She is well traveled having been the wife of an army officer and this reflects in her thinking. A special mention has to made of my aunt who is a Gynecologist. The best way to describe her would be by calling her a ONE MAN ARMY. She is 65+ but does the work of at least two thirty year old men. I really wonder as to how she can keep her cool and go the way she does.
Most of the women of our tharavad have not crossed the borders of Kerala or shall I say South India, however they are so forward in their thinking and are capable of doing anything that a person of the opposite sex can do. The so called college education has eluded the older generation, but I feel they will give an MBA a run for his/her money. These women are not only great planners but also very good at executing the same. The word lazy finds no place in their scheme of things. I am sure these ladies would have enjoyed being matriarchs and would have played their roles to the hilt.


I enjoy being in the company of the Variyath ladies and on each trip to Kerala I make sure that I get to see most of them. My only source of regret is that this great system is slowly vanishing from the face of Kerala. I wonder if our children will ever get a taste of this great equalizing system. It may sound like a myth to them when these stories are related after 20 years. The next time you see a Nair lady, I’m sure you will look at her with a different light and you will see in her that grit and determination along with the dignity and stoicism. Let us all together say JAI HO to this fast dwindling tribe and pray that they never go EXTINCT.
Long live THE HARDY WOMEN.