You may have guessed as to what the topic of today’s blog is. Yes, my ears which I rightly compare to Achilles Heel. An otherwise strong man, his only weakness was his heel and that heel was the reason for his death. I don’t say that my ear would be the reason behind my mortality, but it will definitely be the reason for a lot of embarrassment some of which I have already felt.
Now don’t get me wrong. The structure of my external ear is very good. As a family trait which I inherited from my father, I have big ear lobes and this enables me to wear earrings of more than the normal size. Going with my body frame, these earlobes in no way look incongruous or disproportionate and I can actually say that my ears look good on me. The reason for calling it my Achilles Heel has got to do with my middle and inner ear. Not being a medical professional, I am unable to pin point the area of malfunction, but I am professional enough to say that I am hard of hearing and it has been so for the last 30 years.
This may come as a surprise to many as it is difficult for a stranger to pinpoint this inefficiency in me. I have to a very large extent managed to cover up this inadequacy and I must say that in doing so have even acquired a new skill that of lip reading. I don’t know how I coped with this situation for so many years. I consider one of the reasons behind this success is the fact that I am focused on the situation at hand and thus am able to keenly follow the conversation. Somehow I have learnt to smile and nod my head at the right time and thus evade being spotted as a person with a hearing disability. Many may wonder as to the intensity of my deafness as they may not have known about it or realized about this weakness in me. Well I am not stone deaf and was born with perfect hearing. The reason for this partial deafness is a result of an ear infection which was not treated the way it should have been. Coupled with the infection was the constant air travel where the cabin pressure played havoc. I can give the reason for this situation as my ever optimistic nature, by which I felt that things would turn right. Had I paid more attention, I would have been devoid of my Achilles Heel. Coming to think of it, both Achilles and me have one thing in common. Both our weaknesses stem from the same source and that is the life giving element – Water. The weakness to his heel was as a result of his heel not touching the water of the River Styx when his mother Thetis dipped him in the river to attain immortality. It is said that her fingers went around the heel and thus the heel did not touch water. In my case it was an excess of water in the ear. So water has played the truant to both our weaknesses.
Finally when I decided that I could hardly hear with my left ear, I decided to consult a doctor and accordingly had a “Stapedectomy” performed. Thus my left ear became my saviour. The right ear was a borderline and I was advised against performing an operation then. Being a home maker, the doctor said that I could cope with the world with my left ear and the partial right ear. This was way back in 1985. Life seemed far more lively and continued to be in the same spirit. It is said that the surgery I underwent had a span and that was definitely not more than 15 years. Well things started to slowly slow down and I could feel it but again ignored. When I was asked by my family to opt for a hearing aid, I blankly refused. I felt that it would come in the way of my image and personality. Now when I think back I call it plain stupidity. Anyway life continued amidst constant prodding to do something whenever I met my sisters. Kumar almost gave up on me and said that I was being unnecessarily stubborn. At 40 I started wearing reading glasses and did not think an iota about it, but when it came to a hearing aid, it seemed to belong to a totally different league. Matters seemed to go totally out of hand and holding a conversation or listening to someone sitting on my right became next to impossible. It almost seemed rude when I unknowingly ignored the people on my right. So finally on July 1st 2008, accompanied by my niece Preetha I went to the audiometrist and decided to go in for a hearing aid.
I had my ears tested and listened quietly as I was being admonished for my stupidity. He gave me the great news that my right ear had reached stage 4 of deafness and said most eloquently that it was the final stage. Measurements were taken and in ten days time I was fitted with the magic machine which I could insert in my ear. It seemed chic and undetectable. When a friend of mine wanted to know if I had purchased any diamonds, I told her yes and that it was inside my ears. Yes they have surely enhanced by otherwise beautiful outer ear and my not so good inner ear and also the cost involved was prohibitive and would have fetched me a pair of diamond ear studs. So here I was fitted with the latest of technologies and back to face the noisy world.
I am still way behind when it comes to the perfect hearing; however I am glad with what I have. In the meantime my operated ear has started to revolt. Wonder whether another diamond will do the trick. Samuel Taylor Coleridge, had he been alive today, may have had to take back his words “Ireland, that vulnerable heel of the British Achilles”. But the same does not hold true for me. It is something perennial with which I have been endowed. The silver lining of course is the fact that I can be selective with what I hear and ignore what irritates me.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Abridged
The life expectancy of the modern man is around 80 years of age. Of this the first quarter or in certain cases the first one third of life is spent in one’s parents’ home. As children when we grow up with our parents and siblings, we are enveloped with the feeling of love and security. We attribute a sense of permanence to this life. A feeling of oneness pervades and this adds to the overall enjoyment. Petty fights and making up are part of that life as also studies and helping each other. Competitive spirit does set in as the siblings enter their teens however this is of a very healthy nature as the parents never allow for feelings of jealousy and other negative thoughts to enter the formative minds. Thus the first quarter of ones life is led in 90% of our households in a leisurely and carefree fashion.
This pattern was what I experienced when I grew up. We were a close knit family like the hundreds of thousands of families around us. The core family consisted of my parents, me and my two sisters who are both younger than me. I lived in this corseted environment for 20 years and then got married. By virtue of my husband’s occupation, I had to move away to a far off land. While living away I used to come home once in 8-9 months and spend a good month or two with my family thus catching up on all the happenings and participating in all the events that occurred during my stay. This pattern continued for another ten years when my younger sister got married. So until her marriage, whenever I came home, we were again a complete family. Once she was married and moved to the UK, I would invariably spend a month or two with her in the UK every year. Little over two years after Latha’s marriage, Geetha got married and again I had the privilege of going to the US on a regular basis and spending time with her.
Thus my sisters’ absence from the house did not mark the vacuum it should have. Also those were years when all of us were relatively young and busy with our own lives and hence must admit did not have the kind of time we should have had for our siblings. My return to India in 1995 changed things in many ways. For one, it put a stop to my globe trotting and thus catching up with my sisters on a yearly basis ceased. In the last 15 years I have made only two trips to the US and that too for short periods of 8 and 4 weeks respectively. Thus the wait was for them to come to India. Since it was already imbibed in my psyche that Latha is a professional and hence has access to only three weeks of leave, her vacation was always short and could almost be termed as a whirl wind trip. Much as it hurt, that was what was possible. While growing up we were very close as the difference in our ages was just three years. We did a whole lot of things together and stuck to each other like two peas in a pod.
Geetha’s holiday on the other hand was more leisurely. By virtue of being a part time teacher she enjoys the summer vacation with her children and hence is in India for a minimum period of two months. It was thus until this year when she too had to trim her holiday as her son Krishnan has become a high schooler and thus has to attend some camps during summer. This is the time for the children in the US to pump up their CV’s and hence he cannot be denied this opportunity. Thus this year Geetha gets to spend exactly 20 days with me in Chennai. As much as I was happy when I heard that she was coming, it saddened me that I had only 20 days with her after a gap of 22 months. It set me thinking as to whether we were living our lives in an abridged manner. Here I am getting less than a day to make up for every month missed with her and in Latha’s case the equation is one day for every two months missed.
The first time I came across the word abridged was in middle school. Abridged was used to describe the books we had as our non detailed texts. As the name suggests, the books only had the essence of the story without any frills. Thus we read Pearl S. Buck’s Good Earth, George Eliot’s Mill on the Floss and many other famous books including a couple by the bard William Shakespeare. Since all of us had just entered our teens, it did not matter to us that we were not getting to read the detailed version as I think we lacked the maturity to appreciate the good writing of these all time greats. It was fine as long as it concerned only the books as most of us got to read the original version later on in life. I wonder if that would be true of life too. Do we have to be contended with the quality time that we got with each other during our childhood and teens when we had hardly been exposed to the reality of the modern world? Are the rest of our lives going to be lived in the abridged fashion that I mentioned earlier? If that is the case, it would be terrible to comprehend. As it is the three of us are well past our prime and are in various stages of middle age. Will our lives together henceforth like the abridged books be just the essence without any frills? Is this the result of man’s quest for attaining greater heights? How does one get back to the original version where the frills were taken for granted and formed an integral part of life? I have no answers and I pray that some one would enlighten me. I seem to envy those siblings who live at a stone’s throw from each other. The last time the three of us were together was more than three years ago and that too for about 40 hours. Had I known this was the way our lives would turn out, I would have relished even further every moment of the first two decades of my life. My advice to the youngsters, if any, who read my blog would be to make the best of their present life as one can’t be sure of what twists and turns life would take.
I conclude by hoping that in our twilight years when our children are away, we could move from the abridged to the original version. By then we would all be in the last quarter of our life span.
This pattern was what I experienced when I grew up. We were a close knit family like the hundreds of thousands of families around us. The core family consisted of my parents, me and my two sisters who are both younger than me. I lived in this corseted environment for 20 years and then got married. By virtue of my husband’s occupation, I had to move away to a far off land. While living away I used to come home once in 8-9 months and spend a good month or two with my family thus catching up on all the happenings and participating in all the events that occurred during my stay. This pattern continued for another ten years when my younger sister got married. So until her marriage, whenever I came home, we were again a complete family. Once she was married and moved to the UK, I would invariably spend a month or two with her in the UK every year. Little over two years after Latha’s marriage, Geetha got married and again I had the privilege of going to the US on a regular basis and spending time with her.
Thus my sisters’ absence from the house did not mark the vacuum it should have. Also those were years when all of us were relatively young and busy with our own lives and hence must admit did not have the kind of time we should have had for our siblings. My return to India in 1995 changed things in many ways. For one, it put a stop to my globe trotting and thus catching up with my sisters on a yearly basis ceased. In the last 15 years I have made only two trips to the US and that too for short periods of 8 and 4 weeks respectively. Thus the wait was for them to come to India. Since it was already imbibed in my psyche that Latha is a professional and hence has access to only three weeks of leave, her vacation was always short and could almost be termed as a whirl wind trip. Much as it hurt, that was what was possible. While growing up we were very close as the difference in our ages was just three years. We did a whole lot of things together and stuck to each other like two peas in a pod.
Geetha’s holiday on the other hand was more leisurely. By virtue of being a part time teacher she enjoys the summer vacation with her children and hence is in India for a minimum period of two months. It was thus until this year when she too had to trim her holiday as her son Krishnan has become a high schooler and thus has to attend some camps during summer. This is the time for the children in the US to pump up their CV’s and hence he cannot be denied this opportunity. Thus this year Geetha gets to spend exactly 20 days with me in Chennai. As much as I was happy when I heard that she was coming, it saddened me that I had only 20 days with her after a gap of 22 months. It set me thinking as to whether we were living our lives in an abridged manner. Here I am getting less than a day to make up for every month missed with her and in Latha’s case the equation is one day for every two months missed.
The first time I came across the word abridged was in middle school. Abridged was used to describe the books we had as our non detailed texts. As the name suggests, the books only had the essence of the story without any frills. Thus we read Pearl S. Buck’s Good Earth, George Eliot’s Mill on the Floss and many other famous books including a couple by the bard William Shakespeare. Since all of us had just entered our teens, it did not matter to us that we were not getting to read the detailed version as I think we lacked the maturity to appreciate the good writing of these all time greats. It was fine as long as it concerned only the books as most of us got to read the original version later on in life. I wonder if that would be true of life too. Do we have to be contended with the quality time that we got with each other during our childhood and teens when we had hardly been exposed to the reality of the modern world? Are the rest of our lives going to be lived in the abridged fashion that I mentioned earlier? If that is the case, it would be terrible to comprehend. As it is the three of us are well past our prime and are in various stages of middle age. Will our lives together henceforth like the abridged books be just the essence without any frills? Is this the result of man’s quest for attaining greater heights? How does one get back to the original version where the frills were taken for granted and formed an integral part of life? I have no answers and I pray that some one would enlighten me. I seem to envy those siblings who live at a stone’s throw from each other. The last time the three of us were together was more than three years ago and that too for about 40 hours. Had I known this was the way our lives would turn out, I would have relished even further every moment of the first two decades of my life. My advice to the youngsters, if any, who read my blog would be to make the best of their present life as one can’t be sure of what twists and turns life would take.
I conclude by hoping that in our twilight years when our children are away, we could move from the abridged to the original version. By then we would all be in the last quarter of our life span.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
A Beam of Hope
Tomorrow is an important day in my life. The importance is not by virtue of me having done anything worthy or of having achieved anything great. The reason for this feeling of importance is being provided by my nephew Krishnan Variyath Sethumadhavan. He by his benevolent act would make me stand apart at the Annual General Body meeting of the Women’s Christian College Alumni Association. He has worked over the last one year with his school and community in Lake Mary, Florida and has raised a sum of US $ 500/- which I would be handing over to the President of the Alumni Association. This money is his humble contribution towards the betterment of the Mc Dougall Nursery School which is run by the Alumni Association. Since he is not in Chennai tomorrow I would as the proud Aunt do it on his behalf. How I wish he was here as I would have loved to introduce him to my friends.
It had all started in 2007 when my sister Geetha and her children were on vacation in Chennai. As a routine, I had prepared some lunch for the children of the Mc Dougall School and while going there, asked Krishnan and his sister Kaavya if they would like to accompany me. Both of them willingly agreed and the three of us set out to the School. Now Mc Dougall School is a nursery which has children of the age group 3 and 4. It is a school meant for the children of the economically weaker section. It has a lower and an upper kindergarten and there are about 45 children in each. The school has a small play ground and a building of its own. The college alumni provide nutritious mid day meal and a snack to the children. It takes a lot of effort on the part of the alumni to raise funds for this 24x7 activity. The school has 2 teachers whose salaries are met by the government. However the salaries of the ayah and the watchman have to be met by the alumni association and so also the administrative and infrastructure cost. Since the association is not the richest body when it comes to finance, careful planning alone helps it to make ends meet. Any form of help in kind or cash from the community is always welcome.
Although I am an alumnus of Women’s Christian College, I am ashamed to say that it was only after joining the Inner Wheel Club of Madras Midtown that I got to know about this school. The manner in which the school was run had an instantaneous impact on me and ever since, I have tried to contribute to the best of my abilities. The impact felt by Krishnan matched with mine, and thus he took a decision that he would work for the betterment of the school and the children. He wanted them to enjoy the hours spent in the school. As a first measure to this resolution, at the end of his vacation in 2007, he handed over the little money that he had received from relatives and requested me to buy toys and other play equipments. I did so without fail. On going back to the US, he spread the word around both in his community and in his school. His school was very appreciative of his sincerity to the project and they willingly agreed to make a contribution. He is the student of the Markham Middle School in Lake Mary. This is a public school were they are dependant on Government funding for their survival and it is from this fund that he managed to get half the amount. They have promised him more in the years to come. The remaining amount was from the various cash prizes and gifts that he received. Last week we met the school correspondent and the alumni president and discussed all that had to be done. He has asked for collapsible wooden benches, chairs for all the children, a coat of paint for the classrooms, good wooden play equipments, wash basins and many other small things that will make a big change in the lives of the children. Since he would leave in another 3 weeks time, the onus is on me to see that his vision is fulfilled.
He hopes to do more for the school in the years to come. His dream is to provide them with an audio visual room which would also serve as a play room. This needs a lot of money but he is very confident that he would be able to raise the same. I was surprised by his unstinting faith in his own abilities. I realized that my little boy had grown and that in the near future I would be talking to a matured and focused young adult. When we lose all hope and see the bedlam around us, it is youngsters like him who repose our faith in humanity and leave us with the pleasant thought that all is not lost in this world and that there are caring and safe hands to carry the good work forward.
At 14 years of age, if Krishnan could provide me with an opportunity like the one I will experience tomorrow, I have absolutely no doubt as to how proud he would make us feel in the future. I pray for his success in all his endeavours and I thank God for giving me my Krishnan.
It had all started in 2007 when my sister Geetha and her children were on vacation in Chennai. As a routine, I had prepared some lunch for the children of the Mc Dougall School and while going there, asked Krishnan and his sister Kaavya if they would like to accompany me. Both of them willingly agreed and the three of us set out to the School. Now Mc Dougall School is a nursery which has children of the age group 3 and 4. It is a school meant for the children of the economically weaker section. It has a lower and an upper kindergarten and there are about 45 children in each. The school has a small play ground and a building of its own. The college alumni provide nutritious mid day meal and a snack to the children. It takes a lot of effort on the part of the alumni to raise funds for this 24x7 activity. The school has 2 teachers whose salaries are met by the government. However the salaries of the ayah and the watchman have to be met by the alumni association and so also the administrative and infrastructure cost. Since the association is not the richest body when it comes to finance, careful planning alone helps it to make ends meet. Any form of help in kind or cash from the community is always welcome.
Although I am an alumnus of Women’s Christian College, I am ashamed to say that it was only after joining the Inner Wheel Club of Madras Midtown that I got to know about this school. The manner in which the school was run had an instantaneous impact on me and ever since, I have tried to contribute to the best of my abilities. The impact felt by Krishnan matched with mine, and thus he took a decision that he would work for the betterment of the school and the children. He wanted them to enjoy the hours spent in the school. As a first measure to this resolution, at the end of his vacation in 2007, he handed over the little money that he had received from relatives and requested me to buy toys and other play equipments. I did so without fail. On going back to the US, he spread the word around both in his community and in his school. His school was very appreciative of his sincerity to the project and they willingly agreed to make a contribution. He is the student of the Markham Middle School in Lake Mary. This is a public school were they are dependant on Government funding for their survival and it is from this fund that he managed to get half the amount. They have promised him more in the years to come. The remaining amount was from the various cash prizes and gifts that he received. Last week we met the school correspondent and the alumni president and discussed all that had to be done. He has asked for collapsible wooden benches, chairs for all the children, a coat of paint for the classrooms, good wooden play equipments, wash basins and many other small things that will make a big change in the lives of the children. Since he would leave in another 3 weeks time, the onus is on me to see that his vision is fulfilled.
He hopes to do more for the school in the years to come. His dream is to provide them with an audio visual room which would also serve as a play room. This needs a lot of money but he is very confident that he would be able to raise the same. I was surprised by his unstinting faith in his own abilities. I realized that my little boy had grown and that in the near future I would be talking to a matured and focused young adult. When we lose all hope and see the bedlam around us, it is youngsters like him who repose our faith in humanity and leave us with the pleasant thought that all is not lost in this world and that there are caring and safe hands to carry the good work forward.
At 14 years of age, if Krishnan could provide me with an opportunity like the one I will experience tomorrow, I have absolutely no doubt as to how proud he would make us feel in the future. I pray for his success in all his endeavours and I thank God for giving me my Krishnan.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Holocaust and Nakba
I know for one that I am not an authority to write about the subject that I wish to do so in this Blog. I do not have the in-depth knowledge or the expertise, however a recent event evoked in me the need to air my opinion of the subject and I said to myself, if not the Blog, where else can I do it. Millions of pages have been written on this most sensitive of issues concerning the modern world and the effects of which reverberate in every nook and corner of planet Earth. Yes you have guessed it right; it has got to do with the conflict which emanates in the crucible of the three major religions of the world. It is the Arab-Israel conflict, one for which there seems to be no peaceful solution. I got to read the excerpts of the eloquent speech made by the President of the United States of America Barack Obama during his recent visit to Egypt. The speech seemed so sincere and gave the impression of a person genuinely interested in bringing peace to the region. I also got to read what the critics from various quarters had to say about this speech. Two words which stood out in the speech for me were the Holocaust and the Nakba. The President had in a way equated one with the other. Of the Holocaust, there is no one in this world who is not aware. It is of course the darkest hour of the human civilization. To a normal human being like me it is unthinkable that the whims of a single person could lead to the decimation of millions of humans on the basis of caste and religion. The world decried this inhuman act and it continues to do so. Although I had been to Germany, the thought of going to one of the concentration camps like Auschwitz-Birkenau or Dachau was unthinkable. I did not have the mental courage to view these torture filled venues.
I had heard of the Holocaust as a child by virtue of my father being an authority on most of the events related to the Second World War. However I cannot say the same about my knowledge of the Nakba although both these tragedies happened around the same time in history. The first time I had heard about the Palestinian displacement was when I went to live in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, in the year 1980. There were many Palestinians in Saudi who were given refugee status initially and were granted Saudi citizenships later. What differentiated these men from the locals was the fact that unlike the traditional Saudi men dressed in their ‘thobes and ghutras’ these men were dressed in western outfit. Only some of the elderly men would wear a ‘ghutra’. The women too were very different in their dressing when compared to the natives. It goes without saying that their expression was always one of sadness having lost their most valuable possession namely their motherland. Their status in the local Arab society was also that of second class citizens. It was around this time that I got to read “The Haj” by Leon Uris and this book gave me a superficial insight into the sufferings of this section of humanity. I surmised that their only fault was the fact that they lived in a land which according to the sacred scriptures belonged to another race of people 2000 years ago. I know it is not fair for me to say that the Arabs were pushed out of their country by the new immigrants who believed in their Promised Land. The authorities had planned for two states to exist in harmony but albeit that was not to be so. A more vigilant supervision by those in power could have avoided the wars that were fought and the exodus that followed.
The Nakba was no less important than the Holocaust or shall I say that both these tragedies were on par with each other. This had been my opinion every since. We are all aware that it was the result of the Holocaust and the sympathies of the Allied Powers that led to the formation of the Promised Land. It goes without saying that the people living in the erstwhile Palestine State had no say in the future of their country. Although the authorities were initially supportive of the native Palestinians and included them when it came to controlling the influx of immigrants from Europe and America, it did not take long for the immigrants to gain an upper hand with the support of the powerful Western World. Being a rich and powerful community which controlled the financial capitals of most of the western world, the immigrants had money as well as muscle power to conquer the land and make it theirs. The resulting Nakba was indeed a tragedy beyond the comprehension of the average modern man.
I would term the wounds inflicted on a community as a result of the Nakba to be the root cause for all the harm caused by the said community in today’s world. Some of the leaders of the community give this as a reason to instill hatred in the impressive minds of the youth who in turn resort to terrorism as a form of Jihad. I know for sure that there is no way in which the lands can be returned and the situation reverted to what it was in the beginning of the last century, however I wish and pray that the initiative taken by the President of the US of A will bear fruit.
To me the first step has been made when the President equated the intensity and importance of the Nakba with that of the Holocaust. As the days progress I wish to see this initiative go forward and in our own life time a solution to arise. Had I a couple of months earlier written of the Holocaust and the Nakba in the same breath, I would have been termed a senile person. Thank you, Mr. President for giving me this opportunity.
I had heard of the Holocaust as a child by virtue of my father being an authority on most of the events related to the Second World War. However I cannot say the same about my knowledge of the Nakba although both these tragedies happened around the same time in history. The first time I had heard about the Palestinian displacement was when I went to live in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, in the year 1980. There were many Palestinians in Saudi who were given refugee status initially and were granted Saudi citizenships later. What differentiated these men from the locals was the fact that unlike the traditional Saudi men dressed in their ‘thobes and ghutras’ these men were dressed in western outfit. Only some of the elderly men would wear a ‘ghutra’. The women too were very different in their dressing when compared to the natives. It goes without saying that their expression was always one of sadness having lost their most valuable possession namely their motherland. Their status in the local Arab society was also that of second class citizens. It was around this time that I got to read “The Haj” by Leon Uris and this book gave me a superficial insight into the sufferings of this section of humanity. I surmised that their only fault was the fact that they lived in a land which according to the sacred scriptures belonged to another race of people 2000 years ago. I know it is not fair for me to say that the Arabs were pushed out of their country by the new immigrants who believed in their Promised Land. The authorities had planned for two states to exist in harmony but albeit that was not to be so. A more vigilant supervision by those in power could have avoided the wars that were fought and the exodus that followed.
The Nakba was no less important than the Holocaust or shall I say that both these tragedies were on par with each other. This had been my opinion every since. We are all aware that it was the result of the Holocaust and the sympathies of the Allied Powers that led to the formation of the Promised Land. It goes without saying that the people living in the erstwhile Palestine State had no say in the future of their country. Although the authorities were initially supportive of the native Palestinians and included them when it came to controlling the influx of immigrants from Europe and America, it did not take long for the immigrants to gain an upper hand with the support of the powerful Western World. Being a rich and powerful community which controlled the financial capitals of most of the western world, the immigrants had money as well as muscle power to conquer the land and make it theirs. The resulting Nakba was indeed a tragedy beyond the comprehension of the average modern man.
I would term the wounds inflicted on a community as a result of the Nakba to be the root cause for all the harm caused by the said community in today’s world. Some of the leaders of the community give this as a reason to instill hatred in the impressive minds of the youth who in turn resort to terrorism as a form of Jihad. I know for sure that there is no way in which the lands can be returned and the situation reverted to what it was in the beginning of the last century, however I wish and pray that the initiative taken by the President of the US of A will bear fruit.
To me the first step has been made when the President equated the intensity and importance of the Nakba with that of the Holocaust. As the days progress I wish to see this initiative go forward and in our own life time a solution to arise. Had I a couple of months earlier written of the Holocaust and the Nakba in the same breath, I would have been termed a senile person. Thank you, Mr. President for giving me this opportunity.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Helicopter Moms
When Sridevi started schooling in the year 2000, I would go to drop her in school as well as pick her up when school finished. The reason I went on both these trips were very simple, the morning trip was because Kumar used to drive the car and he preferred me to be there to take her to the classroom. While bringing her back from school, I had to be there as I had to drive the car because those were days before we had the luxury of a driver. Although I made these trips for 2 years in a row, I must say that I never ever got to spend an extra minute in school. The moment she was dropped or picked up, I would head back to the car and would proceed towards the house. It was not as if I had anything important to do at home, but somehow the thought of hanging around the school just did not appeal. I did make friends with most of her class moms and I would communicate with them over the phone when needed. During this period, I would notice groups of moms just hanging around the gate seriously discussing their children’s progress on all fronts. I rarely took part in their conversations for fear of not being a good contributor. Every year I would think to myself that the group would dissipate the following year as the children were growing older and the need for continuous vigilance was not required. I was proved totally wrong. Our children are in the 10th year of school; however I see no change in the group that hangs around. This is true not only of our class or school, but of all classes and all schools.
Seeing these moms did send an element of guilt through me, I wondered many a time if I was failing in my duty as a mother. It set me going back to my school days and the attitude of our mothers then. While I was in school, parents rarely came to school and even if they did come to drop and pick up a child, they consigned themselves to the parking area. Thus if a parent were seen in the vicinity of any of the school buildings, it was taken for granted that the principal had called for the parent to complain about some of the misdoings of the child. We did have a few parents who would come in with the lunch and liked to socialize with the teachers on a daily basis. This attitude was not seen kindly by the rest of us as we thought that they were trying to curry favours from the teachers or vise versa. Thus the school compound was a taboo zone for the parents and the children really enjoyed the independence that the school provided. The parents on the other hand trusted the school and the teachers with the over all development of their wards and they had absolutely no worry about the well being of their children in the school campus. To me this was a perfect arrangement something to which I endorse even at this day and age.
Somewhere down the line, there seems to have been a total shift in this arrangement. The parents seem to have become super parents and the teachers and the school seems to have slided more than a few notches below. I assign this change in attitude to the advent of the parents teachers association, were the school and the teachers are questioned on every action or decision. The richer the parent body the more the role they play in the decision making. Another reason could be the concept of taking hefty donations from parents for admission. By doing this the school is laying bare its authority and thus giving the parents a say in all matters of importance. The interaction and along with it the interference of the parents on all matters relating to the school curriculum has thus gone up many manifolds. Parents (read moms) have thus invaded the much needed space between the child and the teacher and made themselves a permanent fixture in all matters related to the daily functioning of a school. Many a time I have overheard the conversations of these groups of moms and apart from the progress of their wards, they have nothing else to communicate. Each would have a theory about how they are grooming their wards to fare better in school. I am so glad that most schools have done away with marks and ranks for otherwise I am sure that the poor children would be pressurized far more than what they are now. My understanding is that at most times the mothers try to get their children to live their dreams, without giving a thought to the fact that the child is another individual who over the years would evolve into another adult with a wonderful thought process and evaluation skills. How I pity these children who are typecast into moulds and any deviation from this remains just unacceptable. I don’t say this is true of all parents; however I feel sorry that most of them fall in this groove.
This constant school vigil by the moms and the attitude that went with it had always bothered me. I wondered as to why these ladies behaved the way they did. I had spoken to some people about this behaviour and had had an in-depth discussion on the matter. What got me writing this blog was when the other day we happened to drive past Sridevi’s school and came across groups of mothers and out of the blue my sister Geetha said, “Helicopter Moms”. She had to explain the usage to me as I thought that she was talking about some activities the mothers in the US did. I instantly decided that this term was the most apt one to describe the said group of mothers. Like the helicopter they are always hovering around the school looking for impossible situations when their help would be required. I am really glad that this term came to my notice and I would like to thank Geetha for that.
PS. In their eyes I could be a Submarine Mom, always out of sight. However I would be happy with that name, as the submarine is stealth as well as protective.
Seeing these moms did send an element of guilt through me, I wondered many a time if I was failing in my duty as a mother. It set me going back to my school days and the attitude of our mothers then. While I was in school, parents rarely came to school and even if they did come to drop and pick up a child, they consigned themselves to the parking area. Thus if a parent were seen in the vicinity of any of the school buildings, it was taken for granted that the principal had called for the parent to complain about some of the misdoings of the child. We did have a few parents who would come in with the lunch and liked to socialize with the teachers on a daily basis. This attitude was not seen kindly by the rest of us as we thought that they were trying to curry favours from the teachers or vise versa. Thus the school compound was a taboo zone for the parents and the children really enjoyed the independence that the school provided. The parents on the other hand trusted the school and the teachers with the over all development of their wards and they had absolutely no worry about the well being of their children in the school campus. To me this was a perfect arrangement something to which I endorse even at this day and age.
Somewhere down the line, there seems to have been a total shift in this arrangement. The parents seem to have become super parents and the teachers and the school seems to have slided more than a few notches below. I assign this change in attitude to the advent of the parents teachers association, were the school and the teachers are questioned on every action or decision. The richer the parent body the more the role they play in the decision making. Another reason could be the concept of taking hefty donations from parents for admission. By doing this the school is laying bare its authority and thus giving the parents a say in all matters of importance. The interaction and along with it the interference of the parents on all matters relating to the school curriculum has thus gone up many manifolds. Parents (read moms) have thus invaded the much needed space between the child and the teacher and made themselves a permanent fixture in all matters related to the daily functioning of a school. Many a time I have overheard the conversations of these groups of moms and apart from the progress of their wards, they have nothing else to communicate. Each would have a theory about how they are grooming their wards to fare better in school. I am so glad that most schools have done away with marks and ranks for otherwise I am sure that the poor children would be pressurized far more than what they are now. My understanding is that at most times the mothers try to get their children to live their dreams, without giving a thought to the fact that the child is another individual who over the years would evolve into another adult with a wonderful thought process and evaluation skills. How I pity these children who are typecast into moulds and any deviation from this remains just unacceptable. I don’t say this is true of all parents; however I feel sorry that most of them fall in this groove.
This constant school vigil by the moms and the attitude that went with it had always bothered me. I wondered as to why these ladies behaved the way they did. I had spoken to some people about this behaviour and had had an in-depth discussion on the matter. What got me writing this blog was when the other day we happened to drive past Sridevi’s school and came across groups of mothers and out of the blue my sister Geetha said, “Helicopter Moms”. She had to explain the usage to me as I thought that she was talking about some activities the mothers in the US did. I instantly decided that this term was the most apt one to describe the said group of mothers. Like the helicopter they are always hovering around the school looking for impossible situations when their help would be required. I am really glad that this term came to my notice and I would like to thank Geetha for that.
PS. In their eyes I could be a Submarine Mom, always out of sight. However I would be happy with that name, as the submarine is stealth as well as protective.
Friday, June 5, 2009
A Dream Come True
The first question our friend had for the local guide on arriving at Beijing was to know whether we would be seeing the Tiananmen Square on the very same day. Well Tiananmen Square was on our itinerary and it was scheduled for the third day of our short stay at Beijing. I could understand his anxiety as I felt the same way but did not want to repeat the question. What is it about this particular square that peaks our curiosity? We have visited so many beautiful squares all over the world and have never felt this kind of urgency. Some of the squares are more beautiful and some others are sacred. I would call the Grand Place right in the heart of Brussels as one of the most beautiful squares and following this would be St. Marks square in Venice. As for the most sacred square none would be more than the St. Peter’s Square in Vatican. With all the Saints looking down on you and the massive St. Peter’s Basilica in front of you, you had to feel pious and only the thought of the Almighty would come to your mind. Times Square being in the heart of New York is a place to be in when events unraveled the world over or may be in the US. Tiananmen Square did not fit into any of these groups. Sure it is the largest square in the world and from pictures we have gathered that it has the Forbidden City on one side and the Great Hall of the People on the other. Then there is the mausoleum to Chairman Mao Zedong situated on the third side. Although all these great structures could be a reason for the square’s greatness, I think the main reason could only be the fact that it lay behind the “Bamboo Curtain” and hence was inaccessible to the outsider. Had China been an open country like those in the western world, Tiananmen Square would have only received a mention in the passing.
During the drive from the airport to the hotel, we passed by the fringes of the great square and the guide remembering our enthusiasm did not fail to point it out to us. Again the next day during the course of our sightseeing, we did get to drive through the vicinity of the square and again our guide Lilly, made sure that she mentioned its presence. On the second day evening, she made sure to tell us to wear comfortable shoes for our visit to the Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City. She said that both these places involved a lot of walking and hence our feet had to be pampered. We set out from the hotel at 8.30 a.m and our first visit was to the Tiananmen square and the Forbidden City. We were dropped off at a point not very close to the square and from then on it was only walking and more walking. On reaching the square we had to go through a metal detector and as we entered I was amazed to see thousands of people on the square under the scotching sun. The crowd consisted of almost 90% Chinese and the rest were made up of tourists like us. From this I realized the Square was a place deeply embedded in the minds of the local people and in more ways than one it was sacred to them. It had to be because in the 20th century, one of the most important events that were to change their lives happened right on the square. It was from the balcony of the Forbidden City, facing the Square that Chairman Mao Zedong declared The People’s Republic of China as a communist nation in the year 1949. This declaration and what followed brought about a turmoil in the lives of many and although most of have got over it, there are still a few who were at the receiving end and have more than a tale of woe to relate.
It goes without saying that the square really impresses one with its size. It seems to extend on all sides as far as the eye can see and that is but natural as it covers over 100 acres. The huge portrait of Chairman Mao seems to overlook and protect the square as it cannot be missed from any angle. The portrait seemed to draw the crowd towards it as everyone there was keen on taking a picture with the portrait as a back drop. Me being a photo buff made sure I had pictures of myself taken at all the designated spots. There were groups of soldiers going about their morning duty and I even got to take a picture with them. I had hoped to see seasoned army personnel who meant only business to be stationed at the square but was surprised to see young boys who were just adolescents. This was a bit of disappointed as far as I was concerned. To me the People’s Army was an invincible power and to think that these green horns also formed a part of it left me a bit low. Here I was all dressed in red as I thought that colour stood for anything China only to find that the army was in shades of green. Thus the army betrayed my thinking in more ways than one. On hindsight I self affirmed that the veterans must be busy guarding the huge borders that China has with innumerable countries including ours.
With the walk on the square coming to an end, we approached the Forbidden City. The name is very suggestive. Yes it was forbidden to the common man as it was a palace built in 1420 by an emperor of the Ming Dynasty. The Forbidden City is a huge complex comprising of 980 buildings with 8707 rooms. It encompasses an area of 720,000 square metres. The Forbidden City was declared a World Heritage Site in 1987,[2] and is listed by UNESCO as the largest collection of preserved ancient wooden structures in the world. The pavilions and the courtyards were out of this world and the architecture was in perfect harmony with the surroundings. The craftsmen ship was wonderful and worthy of more than a mention. The magnitude and concept of the whole city was mind boggling. To think that people could think so big and also get to put it down to execution was very very inspiring. In my mind these ancient emperors became heroes and not just historical figures. The great expanse which we had walked started taking its toll on our feet and all that we wanted was to rest. Since cool drinks and ice creams were available in plenty all of us treated ourselves to an ice lolly and in the shade of one of the pavilions enjoyed it as if it was the nectar from the Gods. It was while I was finishing my ice stick that I came across a site that had missed me in the 10 days I was in the People’s Republic of China. I saw a woman in her final trimester of pregnancy. It seemed such a rare sight. With the strict one child per family policy, people just did not dare to go ahead with a second pregnancy and from our guide I gathered that there was zero growth in many of the big cities. With the cost of living including education and health being on par with the western world, people were thinking well before starting a family. I deemed it ominous that in the Palace of the Emperors who had dozens of wives and more dozens of children, I saw a pregnant woman. I took a picture of her as I could only think of it as the rarest of sights. Thus the visit to the Forbidden City was fulfilling in more ways than one. The moment we walked out of the last thresh hold, we felt that we could not keep another foot forward, but that was not how it was, because we had to walk another half a kilometer before our car came to pick us up. Of one thing I became clear, and that is the secret behind the longevity and good health that the Chinese enjoy. To me this could only be possible because of the distances they walk and cover on a daily basis and the second the food including their special cabbage and green tea which they consume in large quantities.
The opening of the Forbidden City to the common man is of course the result of communism; however this communism has developed another Forbidden City which is taboo to the very same man on the street. The locals call the compound were the top brass of the Communist Party live in the heart of Beijing as the Forbidden City and like in the days of yore; millions can only view its high walls from the streets.
China seemed an enigma in so many ways. Yes I was aware of it ancient civilization and all the discoveries that went with it. But somehow I had belittled what is due them as a result of the negative impact of the communist revolution and I am thankful that this trip made me open my eyes. I came back seeing the positive impact of Capitalism on a country that swore by Communism. Both the Cs seemed in my naïve eyes to live in perfect harmony.
During the drive from the airport to the hotel, we passed by the fringes of the great square and the guide remembering our enthusiasm did not fail to point it out to us. Again the next day during the course of our sightseeing, we did get to drive through the vicinity of the square and again our guide Lilly, made sure that she mentioned its presence. On the second day evening, she made sure to tell us to wear comfortable shoes for our visit to the Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City. She said that both these places involved a lot of walking and hence our feet had to be pampered. We set out from the hotel at 8.30 a.m and our first visit was to the Tiananmen square and the Forbidden City. We were dropped off at a point not very close to the square and from then on it was only walking and more walking. On reaching the square we had to go through a metal detector and as we entered I was amazed to see thousands of people on the square under the scotching sun. The crowd consisted of almost 90% Chinese and the rest were made up of tourists like us. From this I realized the Square was a place deeply embedded in the minds of the local people and in more ways than one it was sacred to them. It had to be because in the 20th century, one of the most important events that were to change their lives happened right on the square. It was from the balcony of the Forbidden City, facing the Square that Chairman Mao Zedong declared The People’s Republic of China as a communist nation in the year 1949. This declaration and what followed brought about a turmoil in the lives of many and although most of have got over it, there are still a few who were at the receiving end and have more than a tale of woe to relate.
It goes without saying that the square really impresses one with its size. It seems to extend on all sides as far as the eye can see and that is but natural as it covers over 100 acres. The huge portrait of Chairman Mao seems to overlook and protect the square as it cannot be missed from any angle. The portrait seemed to draw the crowd towards it as everyone there was keen on taking a picture with the portrait as a back drop. Me being a photo buff made sure I had pictures of myself taken at all the designated spots. There were groups of soldiers going about their morning duty and I even got to take a picture with them. I had hoped to see seasoned army personnel who meant only business to be stationed at the square but was surprised to see young boys who were just adolescents. This was a bit of disappointed as far as I was concerned. To me the People’s Army was an invincible power and to think that these green horns also formed a part of it left me a bit low. Here I was all dressed in red as I thought that colour stood for anything China only to find that the army was in shades of green. Thus the army betrayed my thinking in more ways than one. On hindsight I self affirmed that the veterans must be busy guarding the huge borders that China has with innumerable countries including ours.
With the walk on the square coming to an end, we approached the Forbidden City. The name is very suggestive. Yes it was forbidden to the common man as it was a palace built in 1420 by an emperor of the Ming Dynasty. The Forbidden City is a huge complex comprising of 980 buildings with 8707 rooms. It encompasses an area of 720,000 square metres. The Forbidden City was declared a World Heritage Site in 1987,[2] and is listed by UNESCO as the largest collection of preserved ancient wooden structures in the world. The pavilions and the courtyards were out of this world and the architecture was in perfect harmony with the surroundings. The craftsmen ship was wonderful and worthy of more than a mention. The magnitude and concept of the whole city was mind boggling. To think that people could think so big and also get to put it down to execution was very very inspiring. In my mind these ancient emperors became heroes and not just historical figures. The great expanse which we had walked started taking its toll on our feet and all that we wanted was to rest. Since cool drinks and ice creams were available in plenty all of us treated ourselves to an ice lolly and in the shade of one of the pavilions enjoyed it as if it was the nectar from the Gods. It was while I was finishing my ice stick that I came across a site that had missed me in the 10 days I was in the People’s Republic of China. I saw a woman in her final trimester of pregnancy. It seemed such a rare sight. With the strict one child per family policy, people just did not dare to go ahead with a second pregnancy and from our guide I gathered that there was zero growth in many of the big cities. With the cost of living including education and health being on par with the western world, people were thinking well before starting a family. I deemed it ominous that in the Palace of the Emperors who had dozens of wives and more dozens of children, I saw a pregnant woman. I took a picture of her as I could only think of it as the rarest of sights. Thus the visit to the Forbidden City was fulfilling in more ways than one. The moment we walked out of the last thresh hold, we felt that we could not keep another foot forward, but that was not how it was, because we had to walk another half a kilometer before our car came to pick us up. Of one thing I became clear, and that is the secret behind the longevity and good health that the Chinese enjoy. To me this could only be possible because of the distances they walk and cover on a daily basis and the second the food including their special cabbage and green tea which they consume in large quantities.
The opening of the Forbidden City to the common man is of course the result of communism; however this communism has developed another Forbidden City which is taboo to the very same man on the street. The locals call the compound were the top brass of the Communist Party live in the heart of Beijing as the Forbidden City and like in the days of yore; millions can only view its high walls from the streets.
China seemed an enigma in so many ways. Yes I was aware of it ancient civilization and all the discoveries that went with it. But somehow I had belittled what is due them as a result of the negative impact of the communist revolution and I am thankful that this trip made me open my eyes. I came back seeing the positive impact of Capitalism on a country that swore by Communism. Both the Cs seemed in my naïve eyes to live in perfect harmony.
Monday, June 1, 2009
The Wall Less Fort
The postal index number for Avadi reads 600 054 and 600 055. I was surprised when I saw that a specific area had 2 PIN codes. A single PIN code is the norm for any given area and even Nungambakkam where I live has only one code and that is 600 034. Since Avadi was only 20 numbers behind my area code, I thought it to be very much part of Chennai and by that I meant to be a bustling suburb with the same make up like in Tambaram and Kelambakkam. Why I chose these two suburbs are for the simple reason that they are both places which are about 25 kms away from Chennai, with Tambaram being to the west and Kelambakkam to the south. I have been to both these places and to me they were just extensions of Chennai with the same chaotic traffic and hustle and bustle. With no inkling as to what lay ahead, I accepted when asked by Kumar to accompany him to Avadi. I had not been there earlier and the only Avadi I knew was the railway station which we used to pass in the early hours of the morning on our return from Kerala. The train would just slow down and we could only get a glimpse of a deserted platform. Since it was too early for the commuters, there was absolutely no one in the vicinity.
So with a minds view of Avadi, I set out from my house. Being a Sunday, the traffic was light and so within 40 minutes we had passed Thirumullaivoyal and were approaching Avadi. In my mind’s eye, Avadi was a barren land and hence I assumed the temperature would be much higher than what it is in central Chennai. How wrong I was proved, here was an oasis of greenery with lovely avenues and many open spaces planted with saplings. On both sides of the avenues were the central government establishments which started of with the Heavy Vehicle Factory, and then there are the Ordnance Factory, the Ordnance Clothing Factory, the MES (Military Engineering Service) unit, the Air Force Station, a Naval Unit, a CRPF (Central Reserve Police Force) unit and a MSP (Madras Special Police) unit. With so many uniformed personnel in one place, it goes without saying that there would be orderliness and cleanliness. To serve these communities there are 2 hospitals and 3 Kendriya Vidyalayas. I am sure there are innumerable subsidized military canteens in all the campuses to provide provisions for the staff. These were however not visible to the man on the road. The roads and the side walks were well laid and there were a number of people moving about in bicycles and two wheelers. I also saw a lot of families from various parts of India taking a walk or engaged in some activities in the various play grounds that spotted the route. I was surprised. Little had I expected to find a slice of India in a miniscule suburb of Chennai? Here was I with the pig headed view that I knew Chennai like the back of my hand only to be proved wrong by a visit to a place that had been in prominence even before my birth. The 60th session of the Indian National Congress was held in Avadi in the year 1955 and ever since it has been in the news. I was ashamed that I had not even bothered to visit this place earlier. I was of the view that once you have seen a place in Chennai, you have seen them all. Once again I became a student in search of all that my city had to offer. Another surprise I had last evening was when I saw the statue of Babu Jagjivan Ram. I have never ever seen his statue anywhere in India and it seemed like a co-incidence that I had to see his statue on the very same day that his daughter’s name has filled the print and electronic media. It was the day when the United Progressive Alliance had decided that Meira Kumar, a Congress Member of the Parliament, would be the Speaker of the 15th Lok Sabha.
Thus Avadi proved a bag full of surprise for me. I just got a passing view of all the vast campuses and never got to enter any one of them. The purpose of our visit was to meet with some clients who had retired from the Indian Air Force. I gathered that a whole lot of retired military personnel choose to live in this vicinity. They say that they enjoy the quietness that this ambience provides added to the pollution free air they breathe. From them I learnt that the temperature in Avadi was always a couple of degrees less than what it was in Central Chennai. They continue to get the feel of the regimental life style and all their needs are taken care of by the various hospitals and canteens that the area boasts off. I realized that the two PIN codes were needed because the area was so vast at least ten times the size of my Nungambakkam.
It was foolish on my part to have expected Avadi to be like any other suburb of Chennai. Avadi has always had a special status and the name is an acronym for Armoured Vehicles and Ammunition Depot of India. Being aware of its special status, now I feel I should not have waited 52 years to visit this Wall Less Fort.
So with a minds view of Avadi, I set out from my house. Being a Sunday, the traffic was light and so within 40 minutes we had passed Thirumullaivoyal and were approaching Avadi. In my mind’s eye, Avadi was a barren land and hence I assumed the temperature would be much higher than what it is in central Chennai. How wrong I was proved, here was an oasis of greenery with lovely avenues and many open spaces planted with saplings. On both sides of the avenues were the central government establishments which started of with the Heavy Vehicle Factory, and then there are the Ordnance Factory, the Ordnance Clothing Factory, the MES (Military Engineering Service) unit, the Air Force Station, a Naval Unit, a CRPF (Central Reserve Police Force) unit and a MSP (Madras Special Police) unit. With so many uniformed personnel in one place, it goes without saying that there would be orderliness and cleanliness. To serve these communities there are 2 hospitals and 3 Kendriya Vidyalayas. I am sure there are innumerable subsidized military canteens in all the campuses to provide provisions for the staff. These were however not visible to the man on the road. The roads and the side walks were well laid and there were a number of people moving about in bicycles and two wheelers. I also saw a lot of families from various parts of India taking a walk or engaged in some activities in the various play grounds that spotted the route. I was surprised. Little had I expected to find a slice of India in a miniscule suburb of Chennai? Here was I with the pig headed view that I knew Chennai like the back of my hand only to be proved wrong by a visit to a place that had been in prominence even before my birth. The 60th session of the Indian National Congress was held in Avadi in the year 1955 and ever since it has been in the news. I was ashamed that I had not even bothered to visit this place earlier. I was of the view that once you have seen a place in Chennai, you have seen them all. Once again I became a student in search of all that my city had to offer. Another surprise I had last evening was when I saw the statue of Babu Jagjivan Ram. I have never ever seen his statue anywhere in India and it seemed like a co-incidence that I had to see his statue on the very same day that his daughter’s name has filled the print and electronic media. It was the day when the United Progressive Alliance had decided that Meira Kumar, a Congress Member of the Parliament, would be the Speaker of the 15th Lok Sabha.
Thus Avadi proved a bag full of surprise for me. I just got a passing view of all the vast campuses and never got to enter any one of them. The purpose of our visit was to meet with some clients who had retired from the Indian Air Force. I gathered that a whole lot of retired military personnel choose to live in this vicinity. They say that they enjoy the quietness that this ambience provides added to the pollution free air they breathe. From them I learnt that the temperature in Avadi was always a couple of degrees less than what it was in Central Chennai. They continue to get the feel of the regimental life style and all their needs are taken care of by the various hospitals and canteens that the area boasts off. I realized that the two PIN codes were needed because the area was so vast at least ten times the size of my Nungambakkam.
It was foolish on my part to have expected Avadi to be like any other suburb of Chennai. Avadi has always had a special status and the name is an acronym for Armoured Vehicles and Ammunition Depot of India. Being aware of its special status, now I feel I should not have waited 52 years to visit this Wall Less Fort.
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