Helicopter Moms

When Sridevi started schooling in the year 2000, I would go to drop her in school as well as pick her up when school finished. The reason I went on both these trips were very simple, the morning trip was because Kumar used to drive the car and he preferred me to be there to take her to the classroom. While bringing her back from school, I had to be there as I had to drive the car because those were days before we had the luxury of a driver. Although I made these trips for 2 years in a row, I must say that I never ever got to spend an extra minute in school. The moment she was dropped or picked up, I would head back to the car and would proceed towards the house. It was not as if I had anything important to do at home, but somehow the thought of hanging around the school just did not appeal. I did make friends with most of her class moms and I would communicate with them over the phone when needed. During this period, I would notice groups of moms just hanging around the gate seriously discussing their children’s progress on all fronts. I rarely took part in their conversations for fear of not being a good contributor. Every year I would think to myself that the group would dissipate the following year as the children were growing older and the need for continuous vigilance was not required. I was proved totally wrong. Our children are in the 10th year of school; however I see no change in the group that hangs around. This is true not only of our class or school, but of all classes and all schools.

Seeing these moms did send an element of guilt through me, I wondered many a time if I was failing in my duty as a mother. It set me going back to my school days and the attitude of our mothers then. While I was in school, parents rarely came to school and even if they did come to drop and pick up a child, they consigned themselves to the parking area. Thus if a parent were seen in the vicinity of any of the school buildings, it was taken for granted that the principal had called for the parent to complain about some of the misdoings of the child. We did have a few parents who would come in with the lunch and liked to socialize with the teachers on a daily basis. This attitude was not seen kindly by the rest of us as we thought that they were trying to curry favours from the teachers or vise versa. Thus the school compound was a taboo zone for the parents and the children really enjoyed the independence that the school provided. The parents on the other hand trusted the school and the teachers with the over all development of their wards and they had absolutely no worry about the well being of their children in the school campus. To me this was a perfect arrangement something to which I endorse even at this day and age.

Somewhere down the line, there seems to have been a total shift in this arrangement. The parents seem to have become super parents and the teachers and the school seems to have slided more than a few notches below. I assign this change in attitude to the advent of the parents teachers association, were the school and the teachers are questioned on every action or decision. The richer the parent body the more the role they play in the decision making. Another reason could be the concept of taking hefty donations from parents for admission. By doing this the school is laying bare its authority and thus giving the parents a say in all matters of importance. The interaction and along with it the interference of the parents on all matters relating to the school curriculum has thus gone up many manifolds. Parents (read moms) have thus invaded the much needed space between the child and the teacher and made themselves a permanent fixture in all matters related to the daily functioning of a school. Many a time I have overheard the conversations of these groups of moms and apart from the progress of their wards, they have nothing else to communicate. Each would have a theory about how they are grooming their wards to fare better in school. I am so glad that most schools have done away with marks and ranks for otherwise I am sure that the poor children would be pressurized far more than what they are now. My understanding is that at most times the mothers try to get their children to live their dreams, without giving a thought to the fact that the child is another individual who over the years would evolve into another adult with a wonderful thought process and evaluation skills. How I pity these children who are typecast into moulds and any deviation from this remains just unacceptable. I don’t say this is true of all parents; however I feel sorry that most of them fall in this groove.

This constant school vigil by the moms and the attitude that went with it had always bothered me. I wondered as to why these ladies behaved the way they did. I had spoken to some people about this behaviour and had had an in-depth discussion on the matter. What got me writing this blog was when the other day we happened to drive past Sridevi’s school and came across groups of mothers and out of the blue my sister Geetha said, “Helicopter Moms”. She had to explain the usage to me as I thought that she was talking about some activities the mothers in the US did. I instantly decided that this term was the most apt one to describe the said group of mothers. Like the helicopter they are always hovering around the school looking for impossible situations when their help would be required. I am really glad that this term came to my notice and I would like to thank Geetha for that.

PS. In their eyes I could be a Submarine Mom, always out of sight. However I would be happy with that name, as the submarine is stealth as well as protective.