A Lesson

Today is the 16th of June and it is 7a.m. I am surprised to see Divya standing at the doorway that connects the kitchen with the work area and chatting up with Narayani waiting for her morning brew. There should be no reason for this element of surprise because this is a ritual that has been happening for the last three to four years. However today is different and if I should go by logic, this is not the place where Divya should be. She should be at home pampered and cajoled by her dear and near ones. Today is a special and a D day in her life. Tomorrow is her marriage and this evening the celebrations start with the mandatory reception.
Basically I am one who does not believe in a big fat marriage, but living in a society, I am pushed with the tide and hence have to give in to a lot of social pressures. However if I were given a choice, I would see to it that when my daughter Sridevi gets married, it will be a simple affair and that there is no element of pomp or show to it. The concession would be to make sure that the day remains special for her. Well those who know Sridevi will certainly vouch that she herself will make sure that she is treated like a princess when the time comes.
Divya is the eldest daughter of my help Kannagi. Kannagi has been with me for the last fifteen years and thus I know Divya for that long a time. I have seen her as a young child and have followed her progress through adolescence and youth. She is still young and going by present standards a bit too early for marriage. I wonder as to how much she is aware of the responsibilities of marriage and life in a joint family. For that matter I wonder what her exposure to the outside world is. Being a bit backward in studies, she was not at all enthusiastic to finish school and thus at the first opportunity decided to stay out and help her Mom perform the household chores. Kannagi, who is literally a single parent, tried her level best to get Divya to attend some kind of vocational training and thus improve herself. She worried that Divya would turn out like her. Although Kannagi is a school dropout, she never compromised when it came to her children’s education.
Divya is entering an important stage of her life, a stage for which most girls from the modern and upwardly mobile families would have planned for far too long. I have had the opportunity to watch at close quarters the preparations of marriage in my friends’ families. It always seemed so long and elaborate. As the years went by marriages became more complex with the introduction of many earlier unheard of functions and obligations. Clothes and jewellery became a style statement and many a time, it did not matter if the style suited the person in question. It seemed as if to maintain one’s status in society certain things had to be done. The brides themselves had their own agenda. Their demands seemed to increase with each passing year and appeasing them was in itself an ordeal. They made it look as if the lack of something small was a matter of life and death. They were treated like fragile Lladro dolls that would just disintegrate at a slightly forceful touch. In a nutshell I would say that being a bride meant that you belonged to an elite group of ethereal beings and every word you uttered was the gospel to be always obeyed.
Here was Divya coming on the eve of her marriage trying to help her Mom with the daily chores. Isn’t Divya entitled to her dreams? Where were her maids in waiting ready to obey her commands? How was Divya different from the other brides? The only difference that came to my mind and eye is the fact that she does not have the wealth to back her. However I don’t see as to how this wealth can help to make a marriage work. With the present trend for divorces being so high, can one’s wealth play the mediator when it comes to consolidating a marriage. My answer to this is that wealth can never play the cupid nor can it have an edge over the less fortunate. I have known of marriages withering in no time in affluent families. Considering all this I wonder as to why people go all out when it comes to spending on a marriage.
Does this make Divya a deprived or a less fortunate bride? My answer to that would be a definite no. Divya has had the final word when it came to her marriage. Mahesh is her childhood sweetheart, someone she has known for nearly a decade. It could be the confidence that she has in herself and in her feelings for him that made her look at her marriage as just any other day of her life. Or it could also be that she was plunging into matrimony with no expectations and illusions and hence may remain unscathed. Whatever the reason for her casual attitude, I hope she will be a winner all the way and wish her the very best. May be there is a lot to learn for most of us from the Divyas of the world. Having said that I feel that we Malayalis need to only look back a few decades when a wedding meant the gathering of both the families during the night and the acceptance of the “Podava” (clothing) by the bride from the groom. There was absolutely nothing ostentatious but the relationship that ensued was rock solid.
Thank you Divya for making me look back and see things in the right perspective.