The Three Musketeers

South Africa, China, Angkor Wat, Prague and other East European countries, the list was endless and they were doing the rounds during our conversations as well as on cyberspace. It was hard to reach a consensus as each location had its own standing in our scheme of things, with some having been visited by one of us and few others being practically difficult. However, the only consensus was that a destination had to be chosen and that too at the earliest. Looking back I wonder if the destination was ever important, it was the idea that had gained fast momentum ever since it was pronounced by Latha a couple of years ago. What made it a mission possible was the support it received from the spouses and the kids. In our families it was the first time that such a holiday was being planned. That we lived in two different corners of the world just did not matter. Somehow everybody felt that it would take off and was just waiting for the right opportune.
In 2008 when Latha said that it was time we three sisters went on a holiday just by ourselves leaving behind the husbands and children, it was received with so much of thrill. It seemed as if she had thought of something very very novel. It seemed like a revelation, it opened the doors to so much of thinking, planning and discussion. Everyone who heard about it exclaimed as to what a wonderful idea it is. I don’t know of many people who have gone on such vacations but to me it felt that I belonged to a different league, planning something of which those around me were denied. Thus the destinations began doing the rounds, only to be heard and stored in the grey matter. The right opportune just did not seem to happen what with each family having other commitments with the children’s school and work schedules. The seed was however sown and the day dreaming did happen whenever it was given a thought. Two years almost went by when each of the families went on other vacations, biding time for the novel one.
That I would be in the US in the summer of 2010 was a commitment I had made to my niece Preetha way back in 2002. It was the year she would graduate from high school and she had wanted me to be there for her. I had given my word and with God’s grace, I could keep it. What made the graduation sweeter was the fact that she would be pursuing her under graduation at Harvard a revered institution for all and particularly for people from the sub continent. Thus my trip was planned and the dates were finalised. It was at this point that Latha announced that she had to attend a conference in San Antonio, Texas and that we could convert this to our special holiday. Before she could complete the sentence I grabbed at it. Logistically I knew that given our family make up this would be the best we could do. Geetha too gave her go ahead and thus Latha went about doing whatever had to be done to organise the trip. The dates were marked and the wait for a memorable holiday in the midst of a great vacation began.
12th May 2010 our trip began. Latha and I started off from Charleston and Geetha came from Orlando. From the moment we were dropped off at the airport by Preetha and Sridevi our holiday began. That we went back in years is undoubted, but that we could almost get back to our school days when it came to our behaviour was something I never imagined would happen. Right from the two hours wait at the airport before Geetha landed to every other small happening during the course of the four days spent there we were just the daughters of Bhaskara Menon and Leina Bhaskaran. That our combined ages reached a good 150 years (almost) just did not bother us. The only time we touched reality was the very brief phone calls we had with our families. I must at this point say that the families were so supportive that they never hassled us with the usual and mundane daily happenings.
Thus we enjoyed the quaint city of San Antonio, a city which is dominated by its one of a kind River Walk. That San Antonio is the sister city of our very own Chennai, made the city dearer to us. The Alamo a sacred memorial to the Independence War with Spain was treated with veneration. The establishments on the River Walk were visited and every meal was a Tex Mex treat. Thus quesadillas, nachos, burritos, fajitas satiated our epicurean taste buds and the wonderful Margaritas provided that fine tilt necessary to make a holiday from being great to becoming memorable. We went around sightseeing totally on foot. It seemed odd to hire a car as being in a youthful state of mind, the body seemed to act accordingly and thus all the nuts and bolts put up their best behaviour. That we screamed like kids while watching the 4 D movie at the Tower of Americas would be an understatement. The quaint shops of the Vilita Village were visited with so much of enthusiasm and the happening Market Square provided a wonderful treat. The Spanish Governor’s palace was a must see and at the old Cathedral we were the uninvited guest at a Spanish wedding. That one of us even walked around with an open bottle of beer made us feel like young swashbucklers.
We reminisced so much that names of friends and acquaintances of our childhood came flashing back and we even attempted to touch base with some of them. This was made possible thanks to Geetha’s iphone and the various social networking sites. Midnight calls were made to cousins far away only to take them back in time and to spread the happiness of our time together. A lot of time was spent in discussing and planning Dad’s 84th birthday in December. Although Preetha’s graduation was less than a week away, it did not get the pride of place, for we were daughters and siblings and not moms and aunts during those days. That Latha did attend some sessions of the conference was in itself an achievement.
The four days just rolled on and gave us so much of good times. I must say it rejuvenated our souls as well as our bodies. It made us determined that we need to do this more often. By God’s grace the three families get together at regular intervals, but having experienced this, we wanted many more in the same vein. We bid our good byes to Geetha at Atlanta airport (The flight from San Antonio to Atlanta was the first time that the three of us were together on an aircraft) on the 16th of May only to meet up with her on the 21st when she would come to Charleston with family for the graduation. Thus on that happy note we plunged back to “reality and our worlds”.
As a token of the trip I made my most expensive purchase, a pair of D&G sunglasses. It seemed so appropriate a purchase for here was something I would use daily in my sunny Chennai.

A Lesson

Today is the 16th of June and it is 7a.m. I am surprised to see Divya standing at the doorway that connects the kitchen with the work area and chatting up with Narayani waiting for her morning brew. There should be no reason for this element of surprise because this is a ritual that has been happening for the last three to four years. However today is different and if I should go by logic, this is not the place where Divya should be. She should be at home pampered and cajoled by her dear and near ones. Today is a special and a D day in her life. Tomorrow is her marriage and this evening the celebrations start with the mandatory reception.
Basically I am one who does not believe in a big fat marriage, but living in a society, I am pushed with the tide and hence have to give in to a lot of social pressures. However if I were given a choice, I would see to it that when my daughter Sridevi gets married, it will be a simple affair and that there is no element of pomp or show to it. The concession would be to make sure that the day remains special for her. Well those who know Sridevi will certainly vouch that she herself will make sure that she is treated like a princess when the time comes.
Divya is the eldest daughter of my help Kannagi. Kannagi has been with me for the last fifteen years and thus I know Divya for that long a time. I have seen her as a young child and have followed her progress through adolescence and youth. She is still young and going by present standards a bit too early for marriage. I wonder as to how much she is aware of the responsibilities of marriage and life in a joint family. For that matter I wonder what her exposure to the outside world is. Being a bit backward in studies, she was not at all enthusiastic to finish school and thus at the first opportunity decided to stay out and help her Mom perform the household chores. Kannagi, who is literally a single parent, tried her level best to get Divya to attend some kind of vocational training and thus improve herself. She worried that Divya would turn out like her. Although Kannagi is a school dropout, she never compromised when it came to her children’s education.
Divya is entering an important stage of her life, a stage for which most girls from the modern and upwardly mobile families would have planned for far too long. I have had the opportunity to watch at close quarters the preparations of marriage in my friends’ families. It always seemed so long and elaborate. As the years went by marriages became more complex with the introduction of many earlier unheard of functions and obligations. Clothes and jewellery became a style statement and many a time, it did not matter if the style suited the person in question. It seemed as if to maintain one’s status in society certain things had to be done. The brides themselves had their own agenda. Their demands seemed to increase with each passing year and appeasing them was in itself an ordeal. They made it look as if the lack of something small was a matter of life and death. They were treated like fragile Lladro dolls that would just disintegrate at a slightly forceful touch. In a nutshell I would say that being a bride meant that you belonged to an elite group of ethereal beings and every word you uttered was the gospel to be always obeyed.
Here was Divya coming on the eve of her marriage trying to help her Mom with the daily chores. Isn’t Divya entitled to her dreams? Where were her maids in waiting ready to obey her commands? How was Divya different from the other brides? The only difference that came to my mind and eye is the fact that she does not have the wealth to back her. However I don’t see as to how this wealth can help to make a marriage work. With the present trend for divorces being so high, can one’s wealth play the mediator when it comes to consolidating a marriage. My answer to this is that wealth can never play the cupid nor can it have an edge over the less fortunate. I have known of marriages withering in no time in affluent families. Considering all this I wonder as to why people go all out when it comes to spending on a marriage.
Does this make Divya a deprived or a less fortunate bride? My answer to that would be a definite no. Divya has had the final word when it came to her marriage. Mahesh is her childhood sweetheart, someone she has known for nearly a decade. It could be the confidence that she has in herself and in her feelings for him that made her look at her marriage as just any other day of her life. Or it could also be that she was plunging into matrimony with no expectations and illusions and hence may remain unscathed. Whatever the reason for her casual attitude, I hope she will be a winner all the way and wish her the very best. May be there is a lot to learn for most of us from the Divyas of the world. Having said that I feel that we Malayalis need to only look back a few decades when a wedding meant the gathering of both the families during the night and the acceptance of the “Podava” (clothing) by the bride from the groom. There was absolutely nothing ostentatious but the relationship that ensued was rock solid.
Thank you Divya for making me look back and see things in the right perspective.