The Link

21st century India is in no way behind world happenings. With globalization being the norm, it is natural that everything which happens in the developed or Western world gets reflected in our country irrespective of its worthiness. Thus we see fashions which are least suitable to our culture and social acceptance taking centre stage and being looked up with awe. When thus is the vogue, one thing that should have long ceased to exist in the urban areas is the arranged marriage. Now as we are all aware, two kinds of marriages exist in India the first being the arranged marriage where the parents or other elders or friends try to find a suitable match for two youngsters who are ready to tie the eternal knot, the other of course is the so called love marriage (a term used particularly in India) where by the two partners find each other. The purpose of this article is not to elucidate the advantages or for that matter the disadvantages of one form of marriage from the other, but it is to highlight the role of the match maker when it comes to arranged marriages.
Arranged marriages have been the tradition in Indian society for centuries. Arranged matches are made after taking into account factors such as age, height, personal values and tastes, the backgrounds of the families (wealth, social standing) and their castes and the astrological compatibility of the couples' horoscopes. With this being the case, the scope of finding the right life partner in an arranged marriage narrows down tremendously. With all the communities being spread far and wide, it also becomes difficult for one to keep track or to get to know of the existence of suitable boys and girls in the community. Thus the role of friends and relatives come to the fore. This need has been capitalized by few who have made it a profession to help find the perfect match. These people are called marriage brokers and they exist in all communities in India. Depending on their social standing, they are able to tie together couples in similar hierarchy. Also in existence are marriage bureaus where the families of boys and girls could go and register, this too works on money as an amount has to be paid for registering and also for renewal of the registration. With the advent of the internet, these bureaus are freely available but for a price. However, even with the availability of these said avenues, the normal upper middle class families still prefer to find a match for their progeny with the help of friends and relatives. They somehow believe that an alliance recommended by a close friend or relative will stand the test of time. Mishaps have happened even in this mode, but the belief is that the bonds are stronger and thus the marriage will survive.
Recently my good friend Rathi was visiting and we spent the few days she was here, catching up on old times and things we had done together. I met Rathi first in 1987 when she became my neighbor in Al Khobar, Saudi Arabia. Being from the same community and to an extent from the same town, we had a lot in common apart from the fact that our wave lengths matched and thus a friendship was forged. It was during the nascent stages of our friendship that my parents were trying to find a match for my youngest sister and when I mentioned this to Rathi, she instantaneously came out with the names of not one but few of her cousins’ sons who were ready for marriage. I was surprised that she could rattle of so many names for in my family, the women far out beat the men when it comes to numbers and at any point of time, it is difficult to even mention one name leave alone 3-4. I asked her to keep in mind and to do the spade work during her next trip to India. It so happened that our holidays coincided and thus Rathi got to speak to one of her cousins and when they showed interest, the horoscopes were matched and with both our initiative the traditional ceremony of seeing the girl took place. However it took another 7 months for my future brother in law to come from the US to see my sister Geetha and once the name sake meeting took place, they were engaged and after another 7 months married. This is the 20th year of their marriage and the two architects are more than happy to see the end result.
This was my first experience in getting two people in holy matrimony. It built my confidence to the extent that I felt that I could play the role when it came to people I knew well. I have never bothered to look around or to gather the particulars of prospective brides and grooms, but if something came my way, I did not let it go either. I think of this as a social service which if it works could be a solution to the “Perfect Match”. Thus the next opportunity came my way when my Uncle was keen on his daughter’s marriage. She being a doctor, it was but natural that a doctor had to be found. The said doctor came to my notice and I became instrumental in yet another marriage. The third was the marriage of two of my friends’ children. The girl’s parents were known to me from my Saudi days and the boy’s parents after my return to India. I don’t want to elaborate, but however it needs to be said that in this case, my role was pivotal, because even without the parents meeting, the girl and the boy met in Canada and decided that they were meant for each other. Both sides had to go by my word and thus my responsibility increased. I was anxious, but it seemed totally out of place for when the said parents met, they hit it off so well. The couple came down on their first vacation last month, and my day was made when both of them told me that they were so compatible. I could not have asked for more. The next happening was again for a friend’s son and the girl happened to be my mother’s friend’s grand daughter, a family we knew well in Calicut. This too worked perfectly and the couple is in San Francisco.
I would be hurt and embarrassed if I were to be called a match maker for I don’t want to belong to the league of the brokers, dalals and the thousands of bureaus that have mushroomed. I see myself as a link for in that way; I would always be there for the couple and also be a part of their lives. I believe that every marriage is made in heaven and thus limit myself to the role of the above said link. Hence the happiness of Geetha and Unni, Rema and Anoop, Shalini and Arun and Arjun and Nandita would trigger in me that extra smile and elation, emotions which are rare to come by in our present world.
I wonder as to who will be the next in my list as I have been requested by some of my good friends to play the role yet again!!