Saturday, April 24, 2010
Break
I will be away from Chennai for the next six weeks. Off to the US to be with my siblings and their families and too also attend my niece's graduation. Will try to keep in touch. Otherwise you can hear from me in June. Enjoy your vacation. Happy holidays!!!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
A Sweet Mind Exposed
2 idlis with sambhar – 300, a ripe banana – 90, a glass of milk – 85, a serving of rice – 200, a cheese burger – 400, a gateaux - 250 and thus the list goes on. For every article of food that we consume can be tagged with a number. Now don’t mistake these numbers to be the cost of the said item. Although the price of commodities has rocketed, they are yet to reach this level. These values as some of you would have guessed are the calorific value of that particular food. For most people these numbers may not mean anything as they are simply not aware and can afford to stay ignorant. However for people like me these numbers form an integral part of my life. Without this awareness, I can simply say that my life would be catastrophic. I need to literally calculate and juggle with these numbers if I need to lead a healthy life. The reason for this being the fact that I can only take in a prescribed amount of calories - an amount that is deemed right for a healthy living. There is a definite no-no to the frills which others take for granted. I do not have the ability to produce as and when required the hormone which assists in the metabolism of the glucose present in these foods. This hormone is produced by a group of cells called the Islets of Langerhorn situated in the Pancreas. The hormone is none other than the one and only INSULIN. Yes I am a diabetic and thus the amount of insulin produced is less than what is required for the burning of all the calories I consume. I am forced to restrict myself to foods which are less in calories and at the same time have enough of fibres to give the satiated feel. Like most diabetics, the moment I see a heavy laden table, what comes first to my mind are a whole range of numbers. It is unlikely that I would notice things what others would like the presentation and quality of the preparation.
I think I can call myself a PRO at the juggling game for I have been doing it quite successfully for the last two decades. Yes it is unfortunate that I became a Diabetic early in life, however at that point, I wonder if I gave the condition, the importance it deserved. Even while being a Diabetic ‘green horn”, I had a great advantage on my side. I knew the calorific value of most foods. This was something I had learnt in college by virtue of having done my under graduation in Nutrition and Dietetics. When the course was thrust on me (I say thrust, because my ambitions were elsewhere), little did I realize as to how useful it would come in my later life. I knew exactly that sugars namely glucose was present in almost all foods that we consumed and not just in the additive that gave the sweet taste. Thus I knew that rice and all cereals were rich in sugars and that it had to be consumed in the right quantities. This did not mean that I never indulged for one of my weaknesses is the desserts namely pastries and puddings. However on consumption of the same, the guilt pangs were hard to ignore and this resulted in an extra round of walk or a slight reduction in the next intake of calories. As I mentioned earlier, meals became just calories and the names of foods just ceased to exist.
Many a time I cheated on myself by literally starving on the day before the blood test, for then the fasting sugar value would read the way I wanted it to. On days when the Post Prandial values were to be taken, I made sure that I cut down on my regular breakfast for I did not have the guts to see big numbers. However this technique was short lived, for soon came into my scheme of things the HbA1c test also called the Glycosated Haemoglobin Test. This test shows the average blood sugar value for the past three months and there was no way in which one could manipulate the same. The ideal value is 6 and anything up to 8 is considered decent for a Diabetic. To achieve this hard value, one had to really be good and follow things to the T. It also meant that the management of Diabetes was turning into a number game. The goal was always to achieve a value of 6, and for this goal, one had to just consume “X” calories. A little more was tolerated but a value of more than 8 called for stringent measures and an addition to the prescription cannot be avoided.
When you have Type 1 or Juvenile Diabetes, the only option you have is taking Insulin injections. Depending on the severity of the condition, the dosage and the strength of the Insulin varied. For a Type 2 Diabetic, the category into which I fall, Insulin is not required initially; however there are times in one’s life when Insulin has to be taken (pregnancy being one of it). I was advised a couple of years ago by my doctor to switch over to Insulin. The reason given was that Oral medication takes its toll on the kidney and other organs over a period of time, whereas the Insulin would just merge into the blood stream and do its work without leaving behind any residue. I mulled on this idea for over a year, for I did not want to be bracketed in the Insulin dependant group. However seeing that the magical 6 was way beyond my reach, I decided to succumb. It is well over three months since my initiation and time to take my next HbA1c. Anything up to 7 is welcome, but I have no clue as to what will be in store. Having made far too many trips in the last three months, I have been at the losing end of the number game on more than one occasion. With “X” plus calories in my system, I really wonder as to what the outcome would be.
I have come a long way in my understanding of Diabetes Mellitus. What started of as something that really did not bother me as long as I abstained from sweets and rich foods have progressed into a condition, where I have become my own nurse, technician and dietician all rolled into one. From the condition being a passive one, which can at times be forgotten, it has now become active for when the needle goes through my skin, there is no way I can ignore what I am endowed with. I wonder if the latest discovery namely the Insulin Inhaler will make me revert to the oral medication stage. If that be the case, it will only be the PEN for me.
In the mean time, I continue telling people that I am a sweet person when asked if I need sugar in my tea.
I think I can call myself a PRO at the juggling game for I have been doing it quite successfully for the last two decades. Yes it is unfortunate that I became a Diabetic early in life, however at that point, I wonder if I gave the condition, the importance it deserved. Even while being a Diabetic ‘green horn”, I had a great advantage on my side. I knew the calorific value of most foods. This was something I had learnt in college by virtue of having done my under graduation in Nutrition and Dietetics. When the course was thrust on me (I say thrust, because my ambitions were elsewhere), little did I realize as to how useful it would come in my later life. I knew exactly that sugars namely glucose was present in almost all foods that we consumed and not just in the additive that gave the sweet taste. Thus I knew that rice and all cereals were rich in sugars and that it had to be consumed in the right quantities. This did not mean that I never indulged for one of my weaknesses is the desserts namely pastries and puddings. However on consumption of the same, the guilt pangs were hard to ignore and this resulted in an extra round of walk or a slight reduction in the next intake of calories. As I mentioned earlier, meals became just calories and the names of foods just ceased to exist.
Many a time I cheated on myself by literally starving on the day before the blood test, for then the fasting sugar value would read the way I wanted it to. On days when the Post Prandial values were to be taken, I made sure that I cut down on my regular breakfast for I did not have the guts to see big numbers. However this technique was short lived, for soon came into my scheme of things the HbA1c test also called the Glycosated Haemoglobin Test. This test shows the average blood sugar value for the past three months and there was no way in which one could manipulate the same. The ideal value is 6 and anything up to 8 is considered decent for a Diabetic. To achieve this hard value, one had to really be good and follow things to the T. It also meant that the management of Diabetes was turning into a number game. The goal was always to achieve a value of 6, and for this goal, one had to just consume “X” calories. A little more was tolerated but a value of more than 8 called for stringent measures and an addition to the prescription cannot be avoided.
When you have Type 1 or Juvenile Diabetes, the only option you have is taking Insulin injections. Depending on the severity of the condition, the dosage and the strength of the Insulin varied. For a Type 2 Diabetic, the category into which I fall, Insulin is not required initially; however there are times in one’s life when Insulin has to be taken (pregnancy being one of it). I was advised a couple of years ago by my doctor to switch over to Insulin. The reason given was that Oral medication takes its toll on the kidney and other organs over a period of time, whereas the Insulin would just merge into the blood stream and do its work without leaving behind any residue. I mulled on this idea for over a year, for I did not want to be bracketed in the Insulin dependant group. However seeing that the magical 6 was way beyond my reach, I decided to succumb. It is well over three months since my initiation and time to take my next HbA1c. Anything up to 7 is welcome, but I have no clue as to what will be in store. Having made far too many trips in the last three months, I have been at the losing end of the number game on more than one occasion. With “X” plus calories in my system, I really wonder as to what the outcome would be.
I have come a long way in my understanding of Diabetes Mellitus. What started of as something that really did not bother me as long as I abstained from sweets and rich foods have progressed into a condition, where I have become my own nurse, technician and dietician all rolled into one. From the condition being a passive one, which can at times be forgotten, it has now become active for when the needle goes through my skin, there is no way I can ignore what I am endowed with. I wonder if the latest discovery namely the Insulin Inhaler will make me revert to the oral medication stage. If that be the case, it will only be the PEN for me.
In the mean time, I continue telling people that I am a sweet person when asked if I need sugar in my tea.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Cornerstone
On reading a news item in the papers, I went back in time to my days in Women’s Christian College, Chennai. It is not that I don’t think of my college otherwise for I am a member of the Alumnae committee and hence am in college ever y month for the meetings. What made me think of college now was the news that young Karun Chandok would be joining one of the F1 teams and would take part in the Formula One racing this year. The very fact that it is Karun Chandok, should have in itself brought about memories of college for his mother Chitra Chandok nee Thiagarajan is my class mate and some one I have known for the last so many years. But what really made me think of college was the way in which I connected the F1 racing to the bygone Sholavaram car races and the enthusiasm and impact the same aroused among the college students.
We grew up at a time when entertainment was bare minimum and opportunities to go out and have some wholesome fun were even more negligible. Apart from Mahabalipuram which was a day trip, there was nowhere nearby to go and thus the Sholavaram races presented the ideal situation for an outing. It goes without saying that many romances blossomed in this venue for the race drivers were a revered lot and the girls would be excited with just a sideways glance from them. I think to the college girls of that era, these drivers ranked high above any South Indian movie star what with the tinsel town being ruled by veterans like MGR and Shivaji.
Thus the two consecutive Mondays in February the buzz in college would be the races and as to whom among the glitterati were present. As such the talk of the races and attending the same were subjects that were taboo in college. It was an event which was off limit for the boarders but however most of them found ways to get out of the college premises. It is said that some of the college staff would attend the races just in order to make note of those boarders who had made their presence. Although nothing really serious came out of being seen, a showdown at the Principal’s office was certain. I have never had the opportunity to go for these races since I did not have any brothers nor was I acquainted with any boys. It required a lot of guts to be seen in the company of boys and at that point of time frankly I lacked that courage.
Sholavaram ruled the roost in the 60’s and 70’s. The participation both in the two and four wheeler categories were immense what with participants coming from all parts of the country and abroad including Sri Lanka and far off England. It was later on in the eighties that Sholavaram was deemed unfit and a new race track was made at Irungattukottai. The shift to the new venue coincided with my departure from India and thus I lost touch with the happenings there. However I am told that the charm which the condemned World War II air field of Sholavaram presented was not to be found in the more aristocratic new venue. You may wonder as to why I have brought in Sholavaram when the news item pertained to Karun Chandok. My reasoning goes on these lines - the three top motor car race drivers that India has so far produced are all off springs of the Sholavaram track.
Narain Karthikeyan is a name to reckon with when it comes to Formula Racing in India. He was the first person from the Indian sub continent to be selected by a Formula 1 team when in 2005 he was part of the Jordan team. Narain Karthikeyan had as his role model his father, a wonderful rally driver and winner of many awards in the seventies at Sholavaram. There is no enthusiast in this sporting field, who has not heard of his uncle Karivardhan whose passion it was to promote Car Racing in India. His premature death was a great loss to the sport. The next racing hero is Karun Chandok who it is said took to the sport like fish to water. How can it be otherwise for both his father and grandfather were veterans of the sport and have played an enormous role in the development of the same in India. It is said that his grandfather was one of the architects of the Sholavaram track. The third in the trinity is young Armaan Ebrahim who is yet to join the F1 league, but I am sure at the rate at which he is achieving, that day will not be far. It is a well known fact that his father was a very popular race driver at Sholavaram, having won many awards and that his father along with his grandfather has played a pivotal role in popularizing the sport in Tamilnadu/India.
Sholavaram is indeed the “Mullasthanam” (cornerstone) for Motor Sports in India and if and when India is ready to host the Formula 1 races, the only venue that can come to my mind is, well you have guessed it right!! This morning the papers say that the czar of F1 sporting namely Bernie Ecclestone has agreed to include India in the racing circuit as early as 2011. The venue is anybody’s guess, however I do sincerely hope that Ecclestone would have heard of Sholavaram and would deem it the right place. With big names like Vijay Mallya owning a F1 team and being in the fray, the stakes are high and thus I wonder what the chances for the World War II airfield would be. Mallya may be the proud owner of a team; however he too has had his initial glories in the rugged circuit of Sholavaram. Wonder if that would in any way tilt the balance. I know the final decision would depend on the economics, for Motor Sports is no different from other sports where the base line is business and the money it can bring in.
Where to hold the F1 may be something on which I cannot have a say, however there is this little something about the Racing Trio which cannot be prised from me. Karun’s mother is my classmate and as for Narain and Ermaan’s aunts, they are my good friends. This sets me wondering if the next prodigy in this sport will also be someone known to me and as to whether he/she will have a lineage to the good old cornerstone - Sholavaram.
P.S. Having called this article Cornerstone, I thought it a coincidence that the sport is controlled by EccleSTONE and that the Circuit in England is called SilverSTONE.
We grew up at a time when entertainment was bare minimum and opportunities to go out and have some wholesome fun were even more negligible. Apart from Mahabalipuram which was a day trip, there was nowhere nearby to go and thus the Sholavaram races presented the ideal situation for an outing. It goes without saying that many romances blossomed in this venue for the race drivers were a revered lot and the girls would be excited with just a sideways glance from them. I think to the college girls of that era, these drivers ranked high above any South Indian movie star what with the tinsel town being ruled by veterans like MGR and Shivaji.
Thus the two consecutive Mondays in February the buzz in college would be the races and as to whom among the glitterati were present. As such the talk of the races and attending the same were subjects that were taboo in college. It was an event which was off limit for the boarders but however most of them found ways to get out of the college premises. It is said that some of the college staff would attend the races just in order to make note of those boarders who had made their presence. Although nothing really serious came out of being seen, a showdown at the Principal’s office was certain. I have never had the opportunity to go for these races since I did not have any brothers nor was I acquainted with any boys. It required a lot of guts to be seen in the company of boys and at that point of time frankly I lacked that courage.
Sholavaram ruled the roost in the 60’s and 70’s. The participation both in the two and four wheeler categories were immense what with participants coming from all parts of the country and abroad including Sri Lanka and far off England. It was later on in the eighties that Sholavaram was deemed unfit and a new race track was made at Irungattukottai. The shift to the new venue coincided with my departure from India and thus I lost touch with the happenings there. However I am told that the charm which the condemned World War II air field of Sholavaram presented was not to be found in the more aristocratic new venue. You may wonder as to why I have brought in Sholavaram when the news item pertained to Karun Chandok. My reasoning goes on these lines - the three top motor car race drivers that India has so far produced are all off springs of the Sholavaram track.
Narain Karthikeyan is a name to reckon with when it comes to Formula Racing in India. He was the first person from the Indian sub continent to be selected by a Formula 1 team when in 2005 he was part of the Jordan team. Narain Karthikeyan had as his role model his father, a wonderful rally driver and winner of many awards in the seventies at Sholavaram. There is no enthusiast in this sporting field, who has not heard of his uncle Karivardhan whose passion it was to promote Car Racing in India. His premature death was a great loss to the sport. The next racing hero is Karun Chandok who it is said took to the sport like fish to water. How can it be otherwise for both his father and grandfather were veterans of the sport and have played an enormous role in the development of the same in India. It is said that his grandfather was one of the architects of the Sholavaram track. The third in the trinity is young Armaan Ebrahim who is yet to join the F1 league, but I am sure at the rate at which he is achieving, that day will not be far. It is a well known fact that his father was a very popular race driver at Sholavaram, having won many awards and that his father along with his grandfather has played a pivotal role in popularizing the sport in Tamilnadu/India.
Sholavaram is indeed the “Mullasthanam” (cornerstone) for Motor Sports in India and if and when India is ready to host the Formula 1 races, the only venue that can come to my mind is, well you have guessed it right!! This morning the papers say that the czar of F1 sporting namely Bernie Ecclestone has agreed to include India in the racing circuit as early as 2011. The venue is anybody’s guess, however I do sincerely hope that Ecclestone would have heard of Sholavaram and would deem it the right place. With big names like Vijay Mallya owning a F1 team and being in the fray, the stakes are high and thus I wonder what the chances for the World War II airfield would be. Mallya may be the proud owner of a team; however he too has had his initial glories in the rugged circuit of Sholavaram. Wonder if that would in any way tilt the balance. I know the final decision would depend on the economics, for Motor Sports is no different from other sports where the base line is business and the money it can bring in.
Where to hold the F1 may be something on which I cannot have a say, however there is this little something about the Racing Trio which cannot be prised from me. Karun’s mother is my classmate and as for Narain and Ermaan’s aunts, they are my good friends. This sets me wondering if the next prodigy in this sport will also be someone known to me and as to whether he/she will have a lineage to the good old cornerstone - Sholavaram.
P.S. Having called this article Cornerstone, I thought it a coincidence that the sport is controlled by EccleSTONE and that the Circuit in England is called SilverSTONE.
Friday, March 5, 2010
In Search of the Gangaa
“Hontton pe sachchaee rahatee hain, Jahan dil mein safaee rahatee hain,
Hum us desh ke waasee hain, jis desh mein GANGAA bahatee hain”
These lyrics by the Hindi poet Shailendra Chauhan, set to tune by none other than the musical genius duo of Shankar-Jaikishan was immortalized by the voice of Mukesh in the movie Jis Desh mein Gangaa Bahatee Hain. Roughly translated these lines would mean, “Where only truth prevails on the lips and where the heart is pure, we belong to that land and that is the land where the GANGA flows.” The song was a hit as it was meant to be what with Raj Kapoor and Padmini picturising the same. However for a young girl of four/five, this initial stanza of the song apart from the rhythmic tone did not have any impact but she did learn that there is a river Gangaa which flows through India. So even before the girl went to school and learnt her basic lessons, she had got to know an important aspect of the Geography of her land. As the years went by and when she knew a smattering of Hindi, she understood the meaning of the stanza and realized that GANGAA was synonymous with India. Later her knowledge increased and she began to understand what made the GANGA so important to India and its people. She came to know that the river is a boon to the country and that the alluvial soil deposited by the Gangaa and her tributaries contributed to making the Gangetic plain fertile and an agricultural belt. She also learnt that the Gangaa provides the main source of water to a sizable portion of the population and is also instrumental in providing electricity to vast areas. She is indeed a savior to the multitudes of humanity who lived along her banks. The girl learnt that as the Gangaa meandered and flowed into the Bay of Bengal, she along with her tributary the Brahmaputra formed one of the largest estuaries in the world and that she supported the mangroves of the Sunderbans which is the world’s biggest ecosystem and also the home to the Royal Bengal Tiger.
As the years went by and in keeping with her quest for knowledge and things spiritual, the girl who by then had become a woman, came to know of the important pilgrimage centres situated on the banks of the Gangaa, namely Haridwar, Allahabad, Varanasi and Gaya. She also learnt that Gangaa herself is considered a Goddess and that taking a dip in her waters is believed to cleanse the soul. Thus it was formed in her mind that to see and worship the Gangaa would indeed be equivalent to or more than a pilgrimage to the holiest of shrines in India. The first time she chanced on the Gangaa was in Kolkatta where she is in a meeker form and is known as the Hooghly. The trip was not conducive for a close interaction and thus it remained a sight like many others during that stay. The next interaction for the lady was when she went to Varanasi and Allahabad. Now a trip to Varanasi is a double whammy for a Hindu, for not only is the Gangaa omnipresent, but the city is also home to the holiest of Hindu shrines namely that of Kasi Viswanath. A trip to this oldest living city in the world is thus a dream come true for any Hindu. Anxious to see both the temple and the Gangaa at close quarters, the lady reached the banks of the Gangaa on the 31st of January 2010 at around 4 in the evening. The sight of the Gangaa that met her eye was not what she had imagined. She had hoped to see the majestic Gangaa in full flow but was truly disappointed to see a very run down version, what with half the river bed dry and home to cacti like bushes. The stories about the deterioration of the Gangaa that the lady had read and seen in various news media came flashing to her and like the thousands of her country men; she too felt a deep heaviness in her heart. The sad fate of the river was indeed hard to overlook.
In that somber mood, she climbed into the boat and began the much awaited ride. The guide like all guides the world over went on in full flow, at a speed much faster than that of the river. He was keen to exhibit his knowledge and the group on the boat was so naïve that they heard him out in awe. The boat passed by Ghats belonging to or built by rulers from various parts of the country and before long came to the famous Harischandra Ghat. The murmur in the boat came to a standstill for here was one of the two burning Ghats and sure enough there were a couple of bodies being cremated. It is rare for a Hindu woman to witness a pyre and here she was all of a sudden witnessing more than one. As it is considered sacred to have oneself cremated on the Ghats of the GANGAA and the ashes immersed in the river, many people go to Varanasi towards the end of their lives just so that they are cremated there. The stark reality that the scene brought about made the mood totally pensive, and reconfirmed the well known truth of how close life and death are. They are indeed two sides of the same coin. Gangaa was ready to accept the human ashes with dignified poignancy just as she was ready to accept the Arati.
Talking of the Arati to the Gangaa, well, it is one of the most beautiful sights in the world. This is done at dusk and lasts for about forty five minutes. The devotion with which it is performed is beyond comparison and the impression it leaves in one is mind boggling. The lady felt that she won’t be wrong if she stated that witnessing the Arati left a far more lasting impression than the Darshan of the Jyotirlingam of Kasi Viswanath. There is no doubt that a visit to the temple of Kasi Viswanath is in itself a wonderful experience and no words can describe the effect it has on one’s inner self. The fact that the Lingam can be touched and that the devotee could perform the Abhishekams made it extra special. With these once in a lifetime experiences and vivid images that she had gathered in Varanasi, the lady left for Allahabad.
Gangaa at Allahabad is joined by Yamuna and the mythical Saraswathi. The Triveni Sangam is another revered spot for any Hindu and the fact that one could be there is in itself considered sacred. The two visible “mahanadis” seemed to be a shadow of their earlier selves. The lady was truly crestfallen. How could the one billion people allow something that is symbolic of their country to reach such a dismal state? This question kept haunting her and she wondered as to how she could turn the table. Knowing that her generation would have to live with a Gangaa that is totally polluted (atleast in the plains), she decided that she would traverse upstream in the hope of seeing the river in its magnificence.
It won’t be long before she makes a trip to Haridwar and Gangotri in that order for her approach to the Gangaa so far has been in the reverse. Will it be wrong for her to wish that at Gangotri she will come across people with “Hontton pe sachchaee rahatee hain, Jahan dil mein safaee rahatee hain”.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Tryst with Nirvana
When did my day (16th February 2010) start or for that matter when did the previous day end? I don’t think I can differentiate between the two for I was living every moment of the happenings of the previous day over and over in my mind and was also excited about the happenings that would unfold during the day in question. Being a sound sleeper, the rocking movements of the train would normally have acted like the swinging of a cradle, however this time around it failed to induce in me the slumber I really enjoy. My brain like the rest of my body just refused to rest as it was tuned to experience and enjoy every moment of the 60 hours which began on February 15th and would end on February 17th 2010.
The morning of the 15th of February was indeed memorable, right from when I went to the temple before Rahu Kaalam and purchased my “MALA”, which I had sighted earlier to getting the same blessed at the feet of the Lord. Later, when I donned the MALA in my Pooja Room, it was indeed a feeling of being blessed. Although it was only a ‘thulasi mala” that went around my neck, the feel was one of having worn a sacred shield and the thought was that of being totally protected and in HIS care. The “KETTUNIRA” was indeed a wonderful experience and when I chanted the “SHARANAMS” I felt totally immersed in my piety. The trip to the station and the travel to our destination which was Kottayam was the routine part of the pilgrimage and there was no way in which it could have been shortened. However for me it was the last few hours in which I could mentally prepare myself for the imminent climb and Darshan.
We reached Kottayam on time and after the morning ablutions and bath at the station itself we embarked on our journey. The first stop was at Erumeli, where we worshipped at the shrine of Lord Ayyappa and being first time pilgrims should have performed the customary PETTAH THULLAL. (A kind of dance, the purpose of which I think is to lighten the otherwise solemn mood). The visit to the mosque of VAVAR was symbolic and then we proceeded to PAMPA, the base of the one and only Sabarimala. Although we passed through some very picturesque country, my mind did not take in the beauty for we were all immersed in singing the bhajans of the Lord. After wetting our feet and washing our face in the holy waters of the River Pampa, we proceeded to have a darshan of Lord Vinayaka the deity at Pampa. Seeking his blessings and breaking a coconut to ward of all impediments, the journey began.
It is hard for me to describe the ascent; however I will try my best to do so. I cannot call it easy for it is far from being easy for a fit youngster and thus for someone of my disposition and age it can be really grueling. However I will not be exaggerating when I say that I found the climb to be well within my ability. I did pant and sweat but was never in a state where I thought it impossible. The chanting of SHARANAMS enroute may have taken the intensity off to a small extent. When I reached “Sharamkuthi Allu” and was told that the climb was over and that we had reached the plateau, I could not believe my ears. Here I was prepared for much more to come and suddenly having achieved what I was so apprehensive about made me feel a tinge disappointed. The rest of the 3 kilometres was literally a cake walk and in no time we were in the precinct of the temple.
I may have seen various shots and clippings of the temple and its vicinity on television, for during the Mandalam – Makkaram season all the Malayalam channels beam these shots on a daily basis. However nothing prepared me for the actual sighting. The 18 sacred steps seemed to be almost like what I had imagined except that they were a bit narrower and steeper. The rest of the temple was at another level and to view the same I had to wait for the evening. Exactly at 5pm when the temple opened for the evening, I proceeded to the temple wearing my black sari and with the “Irumudi Kettu” on my head. For without the Kettu, one does not get to climb the 18 steps. Having climbed the steps, I entered the actual temple; however it took me another half an hour to get the Darshan of the Lord. The wait in the queue seemed never ending for having reached such close proximity; every minute seemed like an hour. After praying to the Lord for over 45 years the moment I had been waiting for was finally to arrive. I was well aware that my first Darshan would only be a fleeting one as the crowd had burgeoned and the push from the back would definitely make me move forward. With both hands trying to balance the Irumudi, it was a little difficult to maneouvre for some time and space. Finally when I got my turn to stand in front of the sanctum sanctorum, I was so focused that the only image that registered in my mind was the deity of the LORD. The deity was exactly as what I had imagined. HE was seated wearing his resplendent gold shield and the lamps were lit in such a manner as to bring out the golden glow. I don’t know if my eyes were playing some kind of trick for it did seem as if there was a pronounced halo. With that image set clearly in my mind’s eye, my first tryst ended.
My prayers were answered for immediately I got a chance to go to a closer spot at the Sanctum Sanctorum and could pray as well as notice all the nuances of the deity and the surroundings. The next couple of hours were spent in the temple and we made sure to go and pray to the other deities in the complex. We were lucky to witness a Padi Pooja (Pooja for the 18 steps) and remained in the temple complex till “Harivarasanam” was sung. This is the lullaby for the Lord and the version rendered at the temple is sung by Padma Bhushan K.J. Jesudas. Every moment of the 6 hours we spent in the temple complex was to me a new experience and I enjoyed it thoroughly. There seemed to be an air of equality and the atmosphere was far more liberal than what prevails in other temples of Kerala. When I turned in for the night, I was indeed sad that the day I had waited for all these years had come to an end.
The next morning we were back at the temple by 6am and after witnessing the “Nei Abhishekam” returned to the room and got ready for the trip down hill. The walk down hill was indeed hard what with my poor legs having to bear the weight of my body. By the time we reached PAMPA it seemed as if my legs had a mind of their own for they just refused to align with the rest of the body. The ride back to Kottayam was pensive for I was living through my just concluded experiences and was trying to assimilate the essence of the same.
The abode of the Lord is less than 3000 metres above sea level; however the sense of positivity and spiritual upliftment that envelops one during the pilgrimage is far beyond that. I would definitely term the impact as being magnetic for here I am like the crores of fellow devotees ready to go on my next trip. On summation, I would call this experience as a first time tryst with Nirvana.
The morning of the 15th of February was indeed memorable, right from when I went to the temple before Rahu Kaalam and purchased my “MALA”, which I had sighted earlier to getting the same blessed at the feet of the Lord. Later, when I donned the MALA in my Pooja Room, it was indeed a feeling of being blessed. Although it was only a ‘thulasi mala” that went around my neck, the feel was one of having worn a sacred shield and the thought was that of being totally protected and in HIS care. The “KETTUNIRA” was indeed a wonderful experience and when I chanted the “SHARANAMS” I felt totally immersed in my piety. The trip to the station and the travel to our destination which was Kottayam was the routine part of the pilgrimage and there was no way in which it could have been shortened. However for me it was the last few hours in which I could mentally prepare myself for the imminent climb and Darshan.
We reached Kottayam on time and after the morning ablutions and bath at the station itself we embarked on our journey. The first stop was at Erumeli, where we worshipped at the shrine of Lord Ayyappa and being first time pilgrims should have performed the customary PETTAH THULLAL. (A kind of dance, the purpose of which I think is to lighten the otherwise solemn mood). The visit to the mosque of VAVAR was symbolic and then we proceeded to PAMPA, the base of the one and only Sabarimala. Although we passed through some very picturesque country, my mind did not take in the beauty for we were all immersed in singing the bhajans of the Lord. After wetting our feet and washing our face in the holy waters of the River Pampa, we proceeded to have a darshan of Lord Vinayaka the deity at Pampa. Seeking his blessings and breaking a coconut to ward of all impediments, the journey began.
It is hard for me to describe the ascent; however I will try my best to do so. I cannot call it easy for it is far from being easy for a fit youngster and thus for someone of my disposition and age it can be really grueling. However I will not be exaggerating when I say that I found the climb to be well within my ability. I did pant and sweat but was never in a state where I thought it impossible. The chanting of SHARANAMS enroute may have taken the intensity off to a small extent. When I reached “Sharamkuthi Allu” and was told that the climb was over and that we had reached the plateau, I could not believe my ears. Here I was prepared for much more to come and suddenly having achieved what I was so apprehensive about made me feel a tinge disappointed. The rest of the 3 kilometres was literally a cake walk and in no time we were in the precinct of the temple.
I may have seen various shots and clippings of the temple and its vicinity on television, for during the Mandalam – Makkaram season all the Malayalam channels beam these shots on a daily basis. However nothing prepared me for the actual sighting. The 18 sacred steps seemed to be almost like what I had imagined except that they were a bit narrower and steeper. The rest of the temple was at another level and to view the same I had to wait for the evening. Exactly at 5pm when the temple opened for the evening, I proceeded to the temple wearing my black sari and with the “Irumudi Kettu” on my head. For without the Kettu, one does not get to climb the 18 steps. Having climbed the steps, I entered the actual temple; however it took me another half an hour to get the Darshan of the Lord. The wait in the queue seemed never ending for having reached such close proximity; every minute seemed like an hour. After praying to the Lord for over 45 years the moment I had been waiting for was finally to arrive. I was well aware that my first Darshan would only be a fleeting one as the crowd had burgeoned and the push from the back would definitely make me move forward. With both hands trying to balance the Irumudi, it was a little difficult to maneouvre for some time and space. Finally when I got my turn to stand in front of the sanctum sanctorum, I was so focused that the only image that registered in my mind was the deity of the LORD. The deity was exactly as what I had imagined. HE was seated wearing his resplendent gold shield and the lamps were lit in such a manner as to bring out the golden glow. I don’t know if my eyes were playing some kind of trick for it did seem as if there was a pronounced halo. With that image set clearly in my mind’s eye, my first tryst ended.
My prayers were answered for immediately I got a chance to go to a closer spot at the Sanctum Sanctorum and could pray as well as notice all the nuances of the deity and the surroundings. The next couple of hours were spent in the temple and we made sure to go and pray to the other deities in the complex. We were lucky to witness a Padi Pooja (Pooja for the 18 steps) and remained in the temple complex till “Harivarasanam” was sung. This is the lullaby for the Lord and the version rendered at the temple is sung by Padma Bhushan K.J. Jesudas. Every moment of the 6 hours we spent in the temple complex was to me a new experience and I enjoyed it thoroughly. There seemed to be an air of equality and the atmosphere was far more liberal than what prevails in other temples of Kerala. When I turned in for the night, I was indeed sad that the day I had waited for all these years had come to an end.
The next morning we were back at the temple by 6am and after witnessing the “Nei Abhishekam” returned to the room and got ready for the trip down hill. The walk down hill was indeed hard what with my poor legs having to bear the weight of my body. By the time we reached PAMPA it seemed as if my legs had a mind of their own for they just refused to align with the rest of the body. The ride back to Kottayam was pensive for I was living through my just concluded experiences and was trying to assimilate the essence of the same.
The abode of the Lord is less than 3000 metres above sea level; however the sense of positivity and spiritual upliftment that envelops one during the pilgrimage is far beyond that. I would definitely term the impact as being magnetic for here I am like the crores of fellow devotees ready to go on my next trip. On summation, I would call this experience as a first time tryst with Nirvana.
Friday, February 12, 2010
A Reality Show
I love travelling and have had the privilege of seeing far too many destinations than what I can remember. Almost all of these trips have been enjoyable and have without doubt added to my personality in more ways than I can imagine. However when I have to talk of my just concluded trip I can only say that it was far beyond comparison with any of my earlier trips and that the experiences gathered covered a very wide spectrum. To start with, the planning for this trip began way back in July when it was announced that the 12th Triennial Conference of the Association of Inner Wheel Clubs in India would be held at VARANASI from the 29th to 31st of January 2010. This is the fourth triennial conference after I joined the Inner Wheel movement but some how I did not think it necessary to attend the earlier ones. This one was different by sheer virtue of its location. Varanasi drew me like a magnet in the same fashion as it has done the millions of believers and non believers earlier. Here before me lay the opportunity to visit the world’s oldest living city and in no way was I going to let this opportunity go by. My good friend Nandini was the person who mooted the idea and from then on the talk at any social or family gathering meandered to the impending Varanasi trip.
By virtue of owning a Travel Agency the onus was on me to make the arrangements for the trip. Thus right from the inception to the final itinerary was my baby and I went about doing it merrily. Everything fell into place by the end of October and there seemed to be no loopholes left to be plugged. I won’t be exaggerating when I say that I was so pleased with myself and at times felt smug like a cat that had just wiped off a bowl of cream. Although there were three months more for the trip, in my mind the count down had already begun.
Around the 15th of January, there was a shift in my mood thanks to the prevalent weather in New Delhi. Everyday saw me calling family or friends in Delhi and Varanasi to enquire about the weather and if I heard that it was sunny over there, I would have a golden glow in my demeanour too. The cat and mouse game with the fog began eating my nerves, and so finally around the 24th of January I decided that I am just going to let things take the natural course, for after all who am I to dictate to nature. Nevertheless I was the first to switch on the TV to watch the Republic Day Parade. I do enjoy watching the pomp and glory of all things Indian and this is one day when I am a little more proud of our uniformed forces. (My grandfather served in the Army and my Dad in the Police). This time around I had an ulterior motive and that was to gauge the intensity of the fog and sure enough, the fog did not disappoint me. 27th of January was no better and the news of the hay wire flight schedules was indeed a matter of concern. However I did manage a good night’s sleep.
28th of January was proclaimed as being a great day in Delhi with the fog having magically dispersed. On that happy note I set off from the house to be joined by 10 other ladies at the airport. Our flight was called and when we boarded it, we were truly relieved. However the relief was short lived, for as soon as we landed in Delhi, I had a call from the 12th member of the group informing me that the train would leave from Delhi only at 5am on the morning of the 29th. The fog had brought about a back log and there was nothing that could be done. Although we had an option to go to the comfort of a home and a good night’s sleep before taking the train, we decided against it and instead went straight to the railway station to see if there were any other options. Having mentally tuned ourselves to the worst scenario, we remained stoic and each one of us was prepared for the eventuality. The night of 28th January was not the best of days to visit the Delhi station. It was overcrowded with people sitting, standing, lying and in postures hard to describe. Being a ladies group, we were immediately surrounded by touts trying to play the role of good Samaritans. We stood out like sore thumbs in that situation and would have seemed to the touts as being easy targets. Little did they realize that we were women of substance whom it was difficult to hoodwink leave alone take for a ride.
We heard about another train which would touch Mughalsarai (18 kms from Varanasi) and decided to catch the same provided tickets were available in air conditioned coaches. The scheduled departure was at 12.50am. Since the current booking would only start less than 2 hrs before departure of the train, we had ample time to while away. We were lucky in that we were provided the office room of the RMS inspector where we could sit on chairs. The importance of the cell phone came to the fore that night, for calls were made left, right and centre and thus we came to know that AC three tier tickets were available for the said train. Finally Mala and I prompted by Nandini decided we would go to the booking counter and try our luck. The next half hour was indeed like a film set what with two South Indian ladies at almost midnight waiting to buy train tickets and with touts on all four sides passing comments in Hindi and dissuading us in every possible way. I was indeed so scared of opening my purse to take out the cash for fear of being robbed. However like the Hindi movie finale, good won over evil, for we not only got the said tickets but we also got them together in two adjacent bays. Triumphantly we walked to the rest of the group and for the next few minutes were treated like heroines or shall I say heroes, for I wonder if the men would have achieved what we did. The train left at 1.30am and our joy knew no bounds.
I will never call that night a night mare, for each time I think about it, what comes to the forefront is the good time we had cuddled together in the RMS room. Our sense of humour never failed us and indeed our feathers remained totally unruffled. Our perseverance saw us through for we were surely a determined lot. I think most of us grew up in more ways than one at the end of that experience. Being used to comfort and protection, this may have been the first time that we were exposed to such realities. It was almost as if we had come unscathed from a test by fire. With such a heady start to our trip, I was sure that the rest of the days would be as memorable.
P.S. My thanks to Jasodha, Ramalakshmi, Sucharita, Nandini, Meena, Haripriya, Mala, Rama, Vidya, Sunita and Kamala for simply being with me.
By virtue of owning a Travel Agency the onus was on me to make the arrangements for the trip. Thus right from the inception to the final itinerary was my baby and I went about doing it merrily. Everything fell into place by the end of October and there seemed to be no loopholes left to be plugged. I won’t be exaggerating when I say that I was so pleased with myself and at times felt smug like a cat that had just wiped off a bowl of cream. Although there were three months more for the trip, in my mind the count down had already begun.
Around the 15th of January, there was a shift in my mood thanks to the prevalent weather in New Delhi. Everyday saw me calling family or friends in Delhi and Varanasi to enquire about the weather and if I heard that it was sunny over there, I would have a golden glow in my demeanour too. The cat and mouse game with the fog began eating my nerves, and so finally around the 24th of January I decided that I am just going to let things take the natural course, for after all who am I to dictate to nature. Nevertheless I was the first to switch on the TV to watch the Republic Day Parade. I do enjoy watching the pomp and glory of all things Indian and this is one day when I am a little more proud of our uniformed forces. (My grandfather served in the Army and my Dad in the Police). This time around I had an ulterior motive and that was to gauge the intensity of the fog and sure enough, the fog did not disappoint me. 27th of January was no better and the news of the hay wire flight schedules was indeed a matter of concern. However I did manage a good night’s sleep.
28th of January was proclaimed as being a great day in Delhi with the fog having magically dispersed. On that happy note I set off from the house to be joined by 10 other ladies at the airport. Our flight was called and when we boarded it, we were truly relieved. However the relief was short lived, for as soon as we landed in Delhi, I had a call from the 12th member of the group informing me that the train would leave from Delhi only at 5am on the morning of the 29th. The fog had brought about a back log and there was nothing that could be done. Although we had an option to go to the comfort of a home and a good night’s sleep before taking the train, we decided against it and instead went straight to the railway station to see if there were any other options. Having mentally tuned ourselves to the worst scenario, we remained stoic and each one of us was prepared for the eventuality. The night of 28th January was not the best of days to visit the Delhi station. It was overcrowded with people sitting, standing, lying and in postures hard to describe. Being a ladies group, we were immediately surrounded by touts trying to play the role of good Samaritans. We stood out like sore thumbs in that situation and would have seemed to the touts as being easy targets. Little did they realize that we were women of substance whom it was difficult to hoodwink leave alone take for a ride.
We heard about another train which would touch Mughalsarai (18 kms from Varanasi) and decided to catch the same provided tickets were available in air conditioned coaches. The scheduled departure was at 12.50am. Since the current booking would only start less than 2 hrs before departure of the train, we had ample time to while away. We were lucky in that we were provided the office room of the RMS inspector where we could sit on chairs. The importance of the cell phone came to the fore that night, for calls were made left, right and centre and thus we came to know that AC three tier tickets were available for the said train. Finally Mala and I prompted by Nandini decided we would go to the booking counter and try our luck. The next half hour was indeed like a film set what with two South Indian ladies at almost midnight waiting to buy train tickets and with touts on all four sides passing comments in Hindi and dissuading us in every possible way. I was indeed so scared of opening my purse to take out the cash for fear of being robbed. However like the Hindi movie finale, good won over evil, for we not only got the said tickets but we also got them together in two adjacent bays. Triumphantly we walked to the rest of the group and for the next few minutes were treated like heroines or shall I say heroes, for I wonder if the men would have achieved what we did. The train left at 1.30am and our joy knew no bounds.
I will never call that night a night mare, for each time I think about it, what comes to the forefront is the good time we had cuddled together in the RMS room. Our sense of humour never failed us and indeed our feathers remained totally unruffled. Our perseverance saw us through for we were surely a determined lot. I think most of us grew up in more ways than one at the end of that experience. Being used to comfort and protection, this may have been the first time that we were exposed to such realities. It was almost as if we had come unscathed from a test by fire. With such a heady start to our trip, I was sure that the rest of the days would be as memorable.
P.S. My thanks to Jasodha, Ramalakshmi, Sucharita, Nandini, Meena, Haripriya, Mala, Rama, Vidya, Sunita and Kamala for simply being with me.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Trepidation
December and January are the two months when Chennai enjoys a nip in the air. The weather is amicable and the mornings can sometimes be pleasantly cold. To sum it up these are the two months when sleeping in the morning is a treat. However this January, I have been very serious about my walks. After a hiatus of a couple of months, I have got down to serious business. The chill and the darkness is not an impediment any more and I religiously leave the house at six in the morning and go about my normal 45 mins to one hour of brisk walking. Now don’t get me wrong for I have not been bitten by the fitness bug. But on the other hand I do want to be fit, in order to execute a pilgrimage which I plan to undertake next month.
I have known about this shrine, for over forty five years, and it has been my wish to visit the same. Being a woman, I knew that I had to wait for the right time to come before I could fulfil my wishes. Now it is four years since the “right time”, however I am yet to fulfil my wish. It is not for lack of opportunities, for my husband goes to the said shrine at least twice a year. Again it is not for lack of piety that I did not make the trip. The reason for the delay is due to the trepidation that I feel each time I think of the pilgrimage. Finally I have taken the plunge, for otherwise I feel that it may be too late and thus I may not be able to perform the pilgrimage the way I would like to. Thus on the 15th of February 2010, I am going to Sabarimala and with this realise my dream of having a darshan of the presiding deity, Lord Ayyappa.
The first time I heard or remember hearing about Sabarimala and Lord Ayyappa was in the year 1964, when my father made his one and only pilgrimage to the shrine. At that point, a pilgrimage to Sabarimala was filled with danger as the trek uphill was hard and arduous and the forests filled with wild animals. It is said that a successful return after the trip was itself considered a gift from the God. The preparations for the trip begin forty one days in advance. The devotees begin the vrittam/abstinenance on the first day of the Malayalam month of Vrischikam, which coincides with the 16th of November at most times. Once the vrittam begins, the devotees dress in simple black outfit, which in most cases is a dhoti for men and a sari for women. Abstinence from all pleasures both physical and mental is a must thus ensuring a state of body and mind which would take one through the pilgrimage almost unscathed. With the passing of time many of these outward customs have been modified to suit the devotee; however the core of the pilgrimage is the total belief in the Almighty.
To me observing the vrittam has never been difficult simply because I do it every year for the said forty one days. As for my dressing and appearance, I continue in the usual manner as I plan to wear the “mala” only on the day of my departure. Once the mala is around the neck, the degree of purity around the house should be of the highest order and this is something I feel will be difficult to attain. Being my first trip to the shrine, I sometimes wonder if I am doing things the right way, however I am sure that the almighty will accept my devotion in the manner in which I am able to fulfil it.
Ever since the trip has been planned, I must have asked over a hundred people about the trek to the shrine and have come up with over hundred varied answers regarding the same. There are the youngsters who tell me that they just run up and hence are able to cover the distance in little over an hour. This version, much as I would love to believe, I know is next to impossible for someone of my age and disposition. Then there are others who have told me that it is not as difficult as it is made out to be and can be done with considerable ease. There are also some who have told me that it is hard and hence should be taken with extreme caution. Seeing my physical appearance, people have even questioned me on my wish to trek my way up. The other option I have is to use a palanquin. Although there is a possibility that as a last resort I may have to use that service, I will nevertheless begin my pilgrimage on foot like the thousands of devotees who do it all the time.
I get some kind of solace when I am told of how people with serious physical disabilities have taken the journey on foot. They attribute these unbelievable stories to sheer perseverance and implicit faith. Somehow extreme perseverance has never been my forte and thus I feel incapacited in that regard. However my prayers are that my faith will make up where and when my perseverance fails. I have no clue as to what is in store; however I have decided that I will take each step of the pilgrimage in the manner in which it comes. Having said that, I will be lying to myself if I say that I am not apprehensive. Considering the importance of the Shrine and the difficulty of the trip, there is no way in which I can take this pilgrimage lightly. Whenever I think of the journey, I end up with a total blank for I do not know as to where I stand as far as the performance goes.
There are I feel a couple of things in my favour and the one thing that stands topmost is the fact that I walked up Thirumala, which is also an exercise in perseverance. But then this was something I did eleven years ago and although mentally I am as young, I cannot say the same about my physical state. I wonder if the same pair of legs that took me up Thirumala will now be able to take me up Sabarimala?? I hope and pray that my legs will not let me down. The second and the most important thing that is in my favour, is my faith in the Lord. I have felt his invisible presence so many times. I always feel that he has heard my prayers and has never failed to open my eyes to solutions.
Next week I begin my journey in total submission to the Lord, however this will still not put to rest the feeling of trepidation that goes on in my mind. How I wish I could master that anxiety, but then if I am able to do that, I would have moved into another league.
PS. You will definitely hear from me once I return from the pilgrimage.
I have known about this shrine, for over forty five years, and it has been my wish to visit the same. Being a woman, I knew that I had to wait for the right time to come before I could fulfil my wishes. Now it is four years since the “right time”, however I am yet to fulfil my wish. It is not for lack of opportunities, for my husband goes to the said shrine at least twice a year. Again it is not for lack of piety that I did not make the trip. The reason for the delay is due to the trepidation that I feel each time I think of the pilgrimage. Finally I have taken the plunge, for otherwise I feel that it may be too late and thus I may not be able to perform the pilgrimage the way I would like to. Thus on the 15th of February 2010, I am going to Sabarimala and with this realise my dream of having a darshan of the presiding deity, Lord Ayyappa.
The first time I heard or remember hearing about Sabarimala and Lord Ayyappa was in the year 1964, when my father made his one and only pilgrimage to the shrine. At that point, a pilgrimage to Sabarimala was filled with danger as the trek uphill was hard and arduous and the forests filled with wild animals. It is said that a successful return after the trip was itself considered a gift from the God. The preparations for the trip begin forty one days in advance. The devotees begin the vrittam/abstinenance on the first day of the Malayalam month of Vrischikam, which coincides with the 16th of November at most times. Once the vrittam begins, the devotees dress in simple black outfit, which in most cases is a dhoti for men and a sari for women. Abstinence from all pleasures both physical and mental is a must thus ensuring a state of body and mind which would take one through the pilgrimage almost unscathed. With the passing of time many of these outward customs have been modified to suit the devotee; however the core of the pilgrimage is the total belief in the Almighty.
To me observing the vrittam has never been difficult simply because I do it every year for the said forty one days. As for my dressing and appearance, I continue in the usual manner as I plan to wear the “mala” only on the day of my departure. Once the mala is around the neck, the degree of purity around the house should be of the highest order and this is something I feel will be difficult to attain. Being my first trip to the shrine, I sometimes wonder if I am doing things the right way, however I am sure that the almighty will accept my devotion in the manner in which I am able to fulfil it.
Ever since the trip has been planned, I must have asked over a hundred people about the trek to the shrine and have come up with over hundred varied answers regarding the same. There are the youngsters who tell me that they just run up and hence are able to cover the distance in little over an hour. This version, much as I would love to believe, I know is next to impossible for someone of my age and disposition. Then there are others who have told me that it is not as difficult as it is made out to be and can be done with considerable ease. There are also some who have told me that it is hard and hence should be taken with extreme caution. Seeing my physical appearance, people have even questioned me on my wish to trek my way up. The other option I have is to use a palanquin. Although there is a possibility that as a last resort I may have to use that service, I will nevertheless begin my pilgrimage on foot like the thousands of devotees who do it all the time.
I get some kind of solace when I am told of how people with serious physical disabilities have taken the journey on foot. They attribute these unbelievable stories to sheer perseverance and implicit faith. Somehow extreme perseverance has never been my forte and thus I feel incapacited in that regard. However my prayers are that my faith will make up where and when my perseverance fails. I have no clue as to what is in store; however I have decided that I will take each step of the pilgrimage in the manner in which it comes. Having said that, I will be lying to myself if I say that I am not apprehensive. Considering the importance of the Shrine and the difficulty of the trip, there is no way in which I can take this pilgrimage lightly. Whenever I think of the journey, I end up with a total blank for I do not know as to where I stand as far as the performance goes.
There are I feel a couple of things in my favour and the one thing that stands topmost is the fact that I walked up Thirumala, which is also an exercise in perseverance. But then this was something I did eleven years ago and although mentally I am as young, I cannot say the same about my physical state. I wonder if the same pair of legs that took me up Thirumala will now be able to take me up Sabarimala?? I hope and pray that my legs will not let me down. The second and the most important thing that is in my favour, is my faith in the Lord. I have felt his invisible presence so many times. I always feel that he has heard my prayers and has never failed to open my eyes to solutions.
Next week I begin my journey in total submission to the Lord, however this will still not put to rest the feeling of trepidation that goes on in my mind. How I wish I could master that anxiety, but then if I am able to do that, I would have moved into another league.
PS. You will definitely hear from me once I return from the pilgrimage.
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